Halloween 2017: Trick or Tramp

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR; Cooler weather, pumpkin spice flavored everything, and HALLOWEEN! Happy fall, Y’ALL! One of my favorite yearly traditions is to scour the interwebs for this year’s new “sexy” Halloween costumes. If there’s one … Continue reading

Wonder WHY!? (Alternate Title: Sit Down Impostor, MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN!)

After decades of stalling, allegedly attached stars, and an eternity in rewriting, that hot tramp Wonder Woman is finally about to have her own big budget Hollywood action film debut. Gal Godot is the starlet of the moment who made … Continue reading

Give Your Mom’s Face a South Korean Vacation

I’ve been a makeup maven since 12, back when I discovered that red lipstick made my beady little blue eyes pop. Over the years, I’ve witnessed every trend, studied thousands of labels, tried everything, and given away more product than you’ll ever buy. It’s … Continue reading

Walt Disney World’s Finest (Alternate Title: Choke on it, Haters!)

A Michigan woman was arrested Wednesday night for choking a teenager at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. Tabbatha Mature was vacationing with her family and patiently awaiting the nightly firework show, when she got into it with a teenager that … Continue reading

Bad Decisions Forever!

Last week Lover Fo’ Life celebrated his 40th birthday. Mace is my counterbalance in the universe, so naturally, he refused the 3-ring circus of a celebration that I had envisioned. Where I love to brag in capital neon, L4L is … Continue reading

In Rainbows

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s days like today that I’m so proud to live in the greatest country that ever existed in the history of time, I’m talking about Texas, of course. While the other states have perfectly … Continue reading

Say Hello to 2017’s First Anthem (Alternate Title: You’re Welcome)

Once upon a time there was a hilarious, captivating and vainglorious beauty that for half a decade stunk up the internet with toilet humor and accounts of her nefarious dealings. Then the flaming diaper of 2016 happened. That fabled anti-hero … Continue reading

Intermission

Well kiddies, we’re halfway through my series on Africa, and while I know 99.99% of y’all are enjoying it thoroughly, there’s that .001 of you who are probably bored with my navel-gazing gush-a-thon. Where’s the heartless (yet devastatingly gorgeous) Villainess … Continue reading

Liberate Yourselves!

Well well well, look who decided to show back up! Sorry kiddies, I’ve been busier than a bumble bee snorting meth in a bouncehouse. When last we met, I was on part 2 of 3 in the DASTARDLY DEEDS OF BUSHWACKER BILL … Continue reading

The Day Tom Ford Left Me

My dearest reader, I come to you a weary and wizened Cribsy. A week ago I was a fluffy marshmallow of optimism, and now, yours truly is a tooth-chipping Lucky Charms mallow of cynicism dipped in pure exhaustion. When I last … Continue reading