These Pictures are Worth a Thousand Apologies

An engaged Chinese couple purchased a wedding dress from a moderately priced (allegedly reputable) Bridal Shop, and also took advantage of an offer to have the shop bundle in a Wedding Photographer and full BIG DAY photo shoot for a reasonable $350. In a … Continue reading

Drop Kicking Monkey (Because, Monday)

Lauded treasures of children’s lit, Margaret and H.A. Rey, the duo responsible of the Curious George series,  are lying pieces of crap. George’s 100% made-up shenanigans helped foster an acceptance of big yellow hats and more disturbingly, a love of monkeys. Long-considered a charming and adorable trixter, the … Continue reading

Naked Lady Dances on a Wrecked Big Rig, Stops Traffic and Our Hearts

In the latest dispatch from Texas’ bar-brawl with Florida for most nonsensical state in the union, a Houston woman stopped traffic for over two hours this morning, leaving a sh*tload of commuters stranded in absolute Hell. The unnamed beauty was … Continue reading

Tales From the Unnecessary Reboot

You know, I had this whole uplifting post all about how we all survived the worst week of the year, complete with some surprising shark news that further leads to my beloved Megalodon still being un-extinct. Sadly, I awoke from a … Continue reading

Old Timey Tinder: Completely Suitable For Work

As often people do, I have a hoarded up treasure-trove of great memories from holiday season 2015. One of my favorites, I’m not really at liberty to discuss, but I’ll give you nosey tramps a vague idea. Let’s just say … Continue reading

RIP Lillian Vernon, You’re Selling Tacky Crap to Angels Now

Y’all are gonna have to give me a moment here, one of my LIFELONG idols passed this mortal realm and has been mailed interstellar priority to Heaven. Lillian Vernon, catalog royalty, and purveyor of the absurd, passed away yesterday, she … Continue reading

10 Horrible Gifts for all the Horrible People in Your Life

10 Horrible Gifts for all the Horrible People in Your Life Believe it or not, I turn into a real Cribsy Claus around the Holidays. Be it lobbying Lover Fo’ Life to decorate mid-november, or listening to Christmas Music from … Continue reading

How to Dismantle an American Hero With One Slice of Pie

  Well, HELLO THERE, TURKEYS! Your dearest friend, Cribsy has been recovering from another wonderful trip to the family ranch in Erath County, Texas. If Erath County sounds familiar to you, it’s because that’s where American Sniper Chris Kyle was … Continue reading

Finally, A Slap-Fight I’d PAY to See.

It’s no secret sh*t is out of control right now. Those self-righteous stunt queens with horrid grooming habits, ISISSSS, have f*cked with the wrong people for the last damn time. Not only does Vladdy Putin have his nuts in a … Continue reading

This is What Rock Bottom Looks Like

Hiya kiddies, it’s meeeee Captain Cribsy your BFF(best FIEND forever!) Hope you’ve all recovered from the 10 pounds of Halloween candy you scarfed down. Be it by stealing from sleeping children, or denying the neighbor kids treats, your ill-gotten booty is … Continue reading