The Dastardly Deeds of Bushwacker Bill: Episode 2, A New Nope

When we last met, I was telling you all about my Supervillain father, Bushwacker Bill, the Red Terror of the (Disney) World. A man who, while described by many as a “straight arrow,” morphs into a dreadful menace that clips down innocent bystanders and the … Continue reading

Magic Band of Idiots

To my friends, family, fellow Disney nuts, and casual spectators, I assure you I had a good time on this vacation, I’ll eventually get around to writing the good memories, but I’m still in my RAGE CAGE, so…you’ll just have … Continue reading

The Day Tom Ford Left Me

My dearest reader, I come to you a weary and wizened Cribsy. A week ago I was a fluffy marshmallow of optimism, and now, yours truly is a tooth-chipping Lucky Charms mallow of cynicism dipped in pure exhaustion. When I last … Continue reading

Vacation Dad Rides Again

Exactly 3 Days from today, Lover Fo’ Life, our nutty 5.5 year old, and my Dad, the ultimate Disney Planning Admiral, are leaving on a jet plane for Walt Disney World. WDW is an entire “world” built on a Florida swamp … Continue reading

These Pictures are Worth a Thousand Apologies

An engaged Chinese couple purchased a wedding dress from a moderately priced (allegedly reputable) Bridal Shop, and also took advantage of an offer to have the shop bundle in a Wedding Photographer and full BIG DAY photo shoot for a reasonable $350. In a … Continue reading

Drop Kicking Monkey (Because, Monday)

Lauded treasures of children’s lit, Margaret and H.A. Rey, the duo responsible of the Curious George series,  are lying pieces of crap. George’s 100% made-up shenanigans helped foster an acceptance of big yellow hats and more disturbingly, a love of monkeys. Long-considered a charming and adorable trixter, the … Continue reading

Naked Lady Dances on a Wrecked Big Rig, Stops Traffic and Our Hearts

In the latest dispatch from Texas’ bar-brawl with Florida for most nonsensical state in the union, a Houston woman stopped traffic for over two hours this morning, leaving a sh*tload of commuters stranded in absolute Hell. The unnamed beauty was … Continue reading

Tales From the Unnecessary Reboot

You know, I had this whole uplifting post all about how we all survived the worst week of the year, complete with some surprising shark news that further leads to my beloved Megalodon still being un-extinct. Sadly, I awoke from a … Continue reading

Old Timey Tinder: Completely Suitable For Work

As often people do, I have a hoarded up treasure-trove of great memories from holiday season 2015. One of my favorites, I’m not really at liberty to discuss, but I’ll give you nosey tramps a vague idea. Let’s just say … Continue reading

RIP Lillian Vernon, You’re Selling Tacky Crap to Angels Now

Y’all are gonna have to give me a moment here, one of my LIFELONG idols passed this mortal realm and has been mailed interstellar priority to Heaven. Lillian Vernon, catalog royalty, and purveyor of the absurd, passed away yesterday, she … Continue reading