These Criminals Are Under Arrest For Stealing My Heart

Criminals. Sure, they’ve been bad boys and girls, yet sometimes they really know how to bring the hahas. Yes, the majority of the lawless are unwashed and high on the bad stuff, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of … Continue reading

Stress ‘Tubing is a Thing, Right?

What’s the strangest way you deal with stress? No, I’m not talking about binge eating, drowning your sorrows in booze, or ingesting hoards of magic mushrooms, those are all fairly conventional ways humanity copes with stressful situations. No, I want to … Continue reading

For a Good Time, Read the Bathroom Wall

When I was a kid, a favorite school activity of mine was reading and interpreting graffiti in the girl’s restroom. Usually, it involved one of two things: 1. Calling out a specific individual for past indiscretions: “Renee is a skank who doesn’t … Continue reading

For Instant Laughs, Stick to Your Pricetag

I had a birthday at the beginning of the month, and while I’m another year closer to popping Werther’s and wearing fanny packs in a non-ironic way, my sense of humor is wildly immature. I’m essentially a 14-year old boy on … Continue reading

Here’s A Bunch of People That Will Make You Feel Better

You’ll have to forgive me, I’m very bitter today. THE WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS ARE OVER. It’s back to a soul-crushing, daily routine and quite frankly, yours truly is hostile about it. Thankfully, the Daily Mail, a juicy little paper from across the pond, hooked me up … Continue reading

Shaq Designed His Own Line of Man-Jewelry (The Jokes Write Themselves)

  Shaquille O’Neal is a national treasure who has given the world many a wondrous gift. Such presents include: His love/hate relationship with Kobe. His classic cinematic tour de force, Kazaam. Fond Family Memory: Several Christmas Eves ago, I was attending Church … Continue reading

Signs of the End Times: Guy Fieri Jewelry

I was having lunch with a friend not too long ago, when he told me he was a fan of Guy Fieri. Actually, his exact words were: “Guy Fieri is legit. He’s a badazz who cooks great food. Love or hate … Continue reading

Thank You, Pixar.

Angry Baby is still too little to be into movies. Save her love of Elmo’s World (it’s a segment during Sesame Street, for all you non-parents) and Wheel of Fortune, she’d rather dance to the background music than watch television. I know … Continue reading

Brad Pitt to do the World a Solid in 3 Years. Alternate Title: Happy Monday!

Brad Pitt. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Whoops! I fell asleep on my keyboard. Sorry, it’s not my fault that Brad Pitt is so boring. Other than being name checked in a SHANIA TWAIN song (hot tranny 90’s mess!) Brad Pitt has accomplished nothing. Actually, … Continue reading

Dirtbags get classified as Dirtbags.

Ah, the Insane Clown Posse. If you aren’t familiar with these gentlemen of class and distinction, let me fill you in… Insane Clown Posse, or ICP to people in the know, are a merry musical group of men made-up much … Continue reading