The Sweet Smell of Evil: Disney Villain Perfume Bottles

My entire life I’ve rooted for the bad guy. As a toddler, I can vividly recall hating every Disney movie because all of my favorite characters, the Villains, lost and often died. Some would say that I’m pro-baddie because I myself … Continue reading

Cheer Up Charlie = THE WORST

Tomorrow night I’m attending “The Ultimate Wonka Party,” at the Alamo Draft House. Lover Fo’ Life and I are big fans of the Candy Man, in our hearts Gene Wilder is THE ONLY WILLY WONKA. In addition to getting to see … Continue reading

Grab a Hanky: Tokyo Commuters Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity

Commuting is the worst. Next to time spent in the actual office, it’s hands-down the most miserable part of the day. Be it by train, subway, bus, or your own earth-murdering vehicle, any way you slice it, COMMUTING SUCKS THE BIG ONE. … Continue reading

Bumble Bee High-Fives Man & Wins at the Internet, Forever

Put down those baby kittens, hop on your Unicorns, and meet me under the glitter rainbow in Adorableville, we’ve got PRECIOUS BUSINESS TO DISCUSS! A Bumblebee was doing his normal bee stuff when he happened upon a drunk dude that asked the bee for … Continue reading

The New Trailer for Anchorman 2 is Out (LOLZ Abound)

In 2004 the classic Will Ferrell comedy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, was released and the world was gifted with limitless re-quoting material. Not since the first Austin Powers movie was there a film so filled with quotable hilarity. … Continue reading

Trick Gets Treated (To Rage)

Even though Halloween 2012 is officially over, I still have some horrific delights to share with you. See, I’m fully aware that most of you are ghouls who love to watch Angry Baby’s brutal shenanigans from a comfortable distance. I … Continue reading

Goodbye, Baby

2 years ago this very day, I gave birth to the Angriest little jellybean the world has ever witnessed. We immediately began calling her Angry Baby. Since then, Doctors, Nurses, innocent bystanders and deserving family have all fallen victim to her burning hot … Continue reading

Warm Your Heart (Even If You Don’t Have One)

Normally, my shriveled tiny black organ of a heart is as cold as an Alaskan Outhouse. But not today. This morning, I’m crying like a newborn after reading a story out of Roanoke, Virginia. Meet College Student Jordan Addison: Jordan attends … Continue reading

Looks Like We’ve Made It!

How are you this fine morning? That’s nice, you’ll have to forgive me, I’m in a self-centered cloud of heaven right now. Tuesday, while you were avoiding work reading fart jokes (aka visiting this clap-trap hobo parlor,) I’ll bet you … Continue reading

See You Next Year

One of my favorite things is telling people, “See you next year,” at New Year’s. I love it. Had a gynecologist’s appointment earlier in the week (shout out to Dr. Jinx) and as I hi-fived him on my way out, I said: … Continue reading