America’s Top Google Searches By State (The Jokes Write Themselves)

Ah America! If we’re not watching cat videos on YouTube or “researching” cake farts, chances are most Americans use Google search as their internet spirit guide. The good folks at Estately decided to break down the top Google searches for … Continue reading

Signs Of The End Times: Library Asked To Ban Hop On Pop

Canada, our neighbors to the north, have a reputation for being courteous, kind and well-mannered. Zzzzzz…bo-ring, bring a book! Speaking of books, yesterday it was revealed that a Toronto library has been in a months long investigation involving a title … Continue reading

VELVEETA CRISIS! (Terror Threat Level: Creamy Yellow)

The End Times are here and now is the moment to panic! Sound the alarm and batten down the hatches, because sh*t’s about to get real. Kraft foods, a stalwart in the processed food game, released some pretty not-chill news yesterday: … Continue reading

Unusual Baby Names List For 2013 (Alternate Title: We’re Doomed)

Each December, the website Baby Center proves that it’s useful for one shining moment when they release their list, “Most Unusual Baby Names of The Year.” Truthfully, the list should be called, “Names That Champion the Apocalypse.” Nothing gives us … Continue reading

Selfie is 2013’s Word of the Year (Alternate Title: Humanity is Donezo)

Happy Monday you miserable mutts. If you are like me, you’re freezing your chestnuts off and wondering how you’re going to get through the insanity that is this week. Thanksgiving and Hanukkah come Thursday and officially kick off the Holidays. The … Continue reading

Chad Kroeger & Avril Lavigne’s New Song Will Make You Hate Love

Citizens of humanity, go ahead and wrap up any final arrangements for your time on planet Earth. Spend all of your money, burn bridges with bosses, and tell so and so what you really think about them. If doomsday preparation is your … Continue reading

Signs Of The End Times: Billy Ray Cyrus and Fred Durst Duet

Because everything old is new and 90’s nostalgia is sky-high, Arsenio Hall has a late night talk-show again. Last night, the man responsible for the Miley Cyrus virus, Billy Ray Cyrus, was on Hall’s show and performed a song called, “Lately.” … Continue reading

Burger King Now Sells Diet French Fries (To Tame Your Massive Thighs)

Say there pretty baby, looking to lose a little weight, but you still want to stuff your face with fast food? Until now, most options out there for you taste like air and broken will power. I say “until now,” because starting … Continue reading

Twerk and Selfie are Now in the Oxford Dictionary (Alternate Title: I JUST CAN’T)

Blow out the candles, turn off the lights and lock up when you’re done because humanity as we know it is OVER. A coupla weeks ago, I reported on the fact that those sluts at Miriam-Webster now include a definition of … Continue reading

Signs of the End Times: Richard Simmons Has a Pop Song Out Now

  Richard Simmons, masculine health guru and fitness legend, has decided to venture into the world of Pop music. Earlier this week, Simmons released a song called, “Hair Do,” and last night the music video for the instant classic debuted. … Continue reading