Ranch Dressing in a Keg (Alternate Title: Hidden Valley Retch!)

With Halloween behind us, and showboating Christmas trying to horn in on Thanksgiving’s bounty, companies are already competing for your hard-earned dollars. From gift cards, to limited edition whatnot, it seems like every brand of anything is gearing up to … Continue reading

Hot Skittles: Coming to a Trash Can Near You

It’s safe to say that (so far) 2017 has been the year of terrible decisions. Even popular culture, our brief respite from the soul-crushing day-to-day machinations of this world, has failed us. Between the Dirty Dancing TV-Movie Reboot, rompers for dudes, … Continue reading

Neck Breaking Regret From The 90’s is Getting a Reboot

Picture it, the 1990’s. Jewel tones, Ace of Base, and chunky platforms were KING, and the world was introduced to a sassy cobbler named Steve Madden. With his devil-may-care approach to physics, Steve Madden (before he went to jail as … Continue reading

A Pirate Looks At 70

Jimmy Buffett, one of the world’s richest musicians and America’s original Captain Jack Sparrow, turned 70 years old this past Christmas. Less than 3 months after his birthday, the Dad-rock icon dazzled his aging original fan base with a big announcement. … Continue reading


Oh the places we will go this year, America! While the world waits to see what drama springs forth from our newly formed Banana Republic, 2017 is off to a dubious start. 11 days into the new year, and our beloved country … Continue reading

Tricks or Tramps

It’s no secret that this ol’ culture vulture lurves Halloween. Creepy creeps, spooky ghouls, and candy, what’s not to love!? In the past couple of decades, however, Halloween has added another element that I love, sluts slutting it up! Each year, costumes get … Continue reading


Look, I know I was supposed to hook you skanks up with the latest dispatch from my empire forged from plastic and little girl squeals of hapiness, but we’ve got some serious sh*t to discuss this morning. You’ll just hafta wait … Continue reading

OH MY GOURD: Pumpkin Fest Ends In Pummeling

Yesterday in the early hours of the morning, a small town’s treasured tradition erupted into a riot. Residents of Concord, New Hampshire and students from Keene State College were enjoying 2014  Pumpkin Fest, a yearly pumpkin carving Bacchanalia filled with pumpkiny delights, … Continue reading

So It’s Come To This: Cotton Candy Flavored Grapes

My mother died peacefully in her sleep Monday night. I’m not ready to blog about it, but rest assured that I’ll address it fully when I’m able. Currently, my life is awash in tears, hugs, laughter, and an overwhelming amount of love and … Continue reading

Signs Of The End Times: Birkenstocks Are BACK

  You’ll have to forgive me, I’m still half hung over and in a meat coma from yesterday’s “girls night out.” See, I had the brilliant idea to book us a table at my favorite Brazilian Steakhouse and my best … Continue reading