A Vote that is Forever

If there’s one thing you should know by now, it’s that anytime I’m too busy to chuck nonsense at your screen for an extended time, chances are, the spit has hit the fan. I come to you today as a humbled, exhausted, quivering mound of hope.  Yes, I know it’s been over a MONTH since we last met,  and as usual, it’s because sh*t got real around here.

The Good news? Everything is shaking out and Kitty is finally out of the woods, for real this time!!!!! Her 5+ month recovery has been long and hard-fought, but I’m so proud of her, and can’t wait to see what her next chapter of life holds. Thank you for all the prayers, vibes, wishes, and support.

For those of y’all still waiting for my latest Out of Africa post, don’t fret my pets, I’m writing up the latest installment NOW. Should be live this week! We now return to our irregularly scheduled nonsense.

Your Pal,

Cribsy

Single greatest photo from the entire election.

Single greatest photo from the entire election.

 

Happy Election Day, Y’all!

Regardless of political affiliations, one thing’s for certain, we’re all glad for Election 2016 to be OVER. After a brutal and exhaustive 2 year fist-fight to the end, Tracey Flick and The Guy from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, are at the merciful end of their salacious squabble for President. Me? I’ve been knee-deep in taking care of a veddy sick ol’ tuff broad, not to sound overly sanctimonious, but watching a loved one struggle to stick around on the planet leaves one with a different perspective. American Politics, while it matters, it isn’t what matters most. It all takes a quick back seat when you aren’t sure your Ma is going to make it another week.

Oh sure, I’ve taken interest in the campaigns and kept myself educated, but more for entertainment than anything. See, Decision 2016 has been our favorite Telenovela, AKA “my stories” every evening we check in for the latest episodes. If motor-boating Bill O’Reilly and whispering sweet nothings to Anderson Cooper are wrong, I don’t want to be right. Watching this reality train wreck plow through what little bond we have as Americans has been both devastating and riveting.

Berning down the House

Berning down the House

So in the spirit of unity, I come to you today with a cause we can all get behind, laughing at horrible decisions!

My Baby Bro, AKA an adult-sized Kevin McAlister, has branded himself a “political atheist” this time around. Like most atheists, he loves trolling the fanatics; Baby Bro has been a real Trollio election wise, his arm is cramping from stirring the pot on his Facebook feed. In addition to some of the greatest memes of this 2 year circus, Baby Bro also introduced me to the world of CANDIDATE TATTOOS! He requested that I do a post on them. Never one to turn down hilarity through bad tattoos, I humbly submit to you the worst votes of 2016. This one’s for you, Uncle Austin AKA the man with a woman’s scream! 

 

He and Valor are in a jam band called Strawberry Jam.

He and Valor are in a jam band called Strawberry Jam.

 

The first of our FOREVER votes is this beauty, say hello to Creepy Realistic Hillary!

That toothshine is exquisite!

That toothshine is exquisite!

 

On the subject of teeth, here’s the Donald a seriously jacked up grill. Whoops, my bad, looks like the owner just had the tattoo artist sub in his own teefs. TWINSIES!

Matching WTFs

Matching WTFs

Personally, I feel like if you’re going to have Donald Trump of top of you forever, best go with a handsomer version:

Dreamy.

Dreamy.

This next one of Hillary is either Beautiful or Horrifying, I can’t decide:

So confused.

So confused.

 

I hear all the Berners yelling, “Where’s Bernie!? His unexpected rise to power and common sense were the ONLY Bright spots of the Campaign trail!” OK,OK, here’s a tasteful and minimalist Tattoo:

Way better than tattooing "Feel the Bern" on your crotch.

Way better than tattooing “Feel the Bern” on your crotch.

Of course, in the end, most of these tattoos are bat sh*t crazy. But somehow, that makes them all the better:

Vintage pantsuit.

Vintage pantsuit.

Oh Darn! Looks like this handsome fella just lost all chances of ever knowing the sweet and gentle touch of a lover:

No one will have you now.

No one will have you now.

The good news? With a few strokes of a skilled artist’s needle gun, this can quickly become a tribute to the Bill Maher and his show by the same name.

From one gasbag to another.

One in the same.

Finally this is my favorite of the lot, IT’S A TRUMP-STAMP TRAMPSTAMP!

Shut it down, we have a winner.

Shut it down, we have a winner.

Of course, there are some of you out there convinced the world is going to turn to fire if your candidate loses. I can’t tell you how many people are convinced these are the end times. To all my fellow Jesus lovers, remember this before you go full tilt drama queen, THE PRESIDENT ISN’T YOUR KING! 

He's got your back.

He’s got your back.

In Closing, USA!USA!USA!USA! Whoever wins, you and I will be right here to collectively eye-roll at whatever nonsense the world throws our way. Keep reaching for the stars my darlings, like it or not, we live in a country like no other. Now’s the time for us to dig-deep and get to work rebuilding. After all, Thanksgiving is a mere 2 weeks away and if things continue like this, your trampy cousin is going to get into a slap-fight with your brother’s goth boyfriend before you can say political pie-fight.

LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH PEACE, CHOOSE JOY!

FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

FREEDOM OF SPEECH!