Finally, A Slap-Fight I’d PAY to See.

It’s no secret sh*t is out of control right now. Those self-righteous stunt queens with horrid grooming habits, ISISSSS, have f*cked with the wrong people for the last damn time. Not only does Vladdy Putin have his nuts in a twist over the senseless bombing of a Russian commercial plane, after the despicable Friday the 13th attack on Paris, the French have decided to go full Reign of Terror on those small-d*cked terrorists as well.

I don’t really address global politics and more importantly, a bunch of filthy closet-cases with daddy’s money funding their dumb-a$$ed axes to grind, but heregoes:

ISISSSS, stop trying to bring World War 2 Germany back, that sh*t is so over. Besides, at least those evil SS whores knew the value of a shower…oh f*ck, that didn’t come out right.

What I’m trying to say is, GIVE IT UP, GIRLFRIENDS, we all know Cobra Commander already cornered the market on snakey-scumbag Terrorism.

B*tch, I'm fabulous!

B*tch, I’m fabulous!

Today I’m not here to talk about these butthurt little trolls Hell-bent on sucking Satan’s c*ck for an eternity. No, I’m addressing a far more familiar hate-topic to this site. Something so vile and odious that I cannot stop myself from returning to write about it, of course I’m referring to Guy Fieri.

No ma'am.


From profanity-laced diatribes, to elaborate April Day Fool’s jokes, I never tire of talking sh*t about America’s least-favorite sack of rancid chicken gravy, Guy Fieri. If you search the contents of this website, you’ll find more entries decrying this piece of peroxided sh*t, than I care to link to.

Some have called me jealous, and other paid commenters of his implied that I merely wanted to lick on his cheese dipped nutsack, neither are true. I just don’t like the bloated hedgehog, neither does Anthony Bourdain.

Cool uncle will bail your out of jail and never whisper a word of it.

Cool uncle will bail you out of jail and never whisper a word of it.

Just in case you haven’t been paying attention, Anthony Bourdain is a major motherf*cker who happens to not only host of his very own travel/food show, he also possesses an incredible gift for writing. Did I mention that he’s a silver fox with pure hate for dipwads like Rachel Ray and GUY FIERI , his jabs are legendary, and he would never miss an opportunity to diss.

Yesterday, fatty-fat Fieri decided to dig himself out of his constant coke-haze, and was interviewed for GQ magazine (that’s still a thing!?) During his interview, dipsh*t McF*ckwad addressed Bourdain’s years of freshly prepared Fieri-shade aioli, the rabid baboon said:


“Bourdain’s definitely gotta have issues, ‘cos the average person doesn’t behave that way.”

“It’s actually disappointing…I don’t like him making fun of people, and I don’t like him talking s–t. And he’s never talked s–t to my face.”

OH SNAP! I know that b*tch just didn’t go after Anthony Bourdain! PLUS the living engorged hemorrhoid had the gall to imply BOURDAIN HAS ISSUES!? That’s rich. Guy Fieri has been sued, kicked out of parties, and reviled by a nation. Everyone rejects Fieri like he’s a bad kidney, even Bears, which are known as an inclusive (albeit sexually aggressive) tribe, don’t want any part of his frosted tipped pubes.

No Ma'am!

No Ma’am!

I also like the way Guy is subtly trying to call Anthony’s nuts into question when he said: “He’s never talked sh*t to my face,” which is f*cked up porcupine speak for “COME AT ME, BRO!”

Forget that trail-blazing HOT SLUT, Rhonda Roussey, THIS IS A FIGHT THAT I’D PAY TO SEE!! Bourdain hasn’t responded, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he’ll show up at Fieri’s woodland home of a hollowed out log, and challenge his bleached assh*le to a slap fight. Oh sure, something tells me ol’ tramp Paula Deen will show up with a vat of butter and try to get the two men to wrestle it out, but Fieri clearly outweighs Bourdain by 300 pounds and will twist Anthony’s sinewy, physique into a deep dried cheese pretzel in no time.

Yes, it will have to be a slap fight if it’s going to be fair. But fear not, Bourdain will make light work of this heavy load. I’m not saying this is a war the entire world can get behind, but it’s a welcome conflict in times like this.