Today marks ten years since Lover Fo’ Life and I said “I do” in a crummy Chapel in front of the oldest minister in Las Vegas (who had a coke fingernail, BTW.) In the decade since, we’ve traveled, hysterically laughed every day, and even became parents. Never in my life have ten years felt so short, seems like just yesterday we were married, and now ten years later, I’m a zillion times more in love with the kind, brilliant, handsome, sweet, curmudgeonly, dreamboat that I saddled up with. He’s the good to my bad, the hero to my villain, and my life is all the better just having him in it. ILYMT
These past few weeks have reminded me just how lucky I am to spend eternity with the greatest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.
In honor of our 10th, I decided to share 10 Facts About L4L, Mace T. ENJOY!
10. He’s got the face of a school boy.
L4L is 11 months older than I am, but he looks years younger. Even though his chestnut hair is now more salt and pepper than brown, MT still rocks the baby face of a shiny little schoolboy.
9. He’s the Yankovich of his generation. In the game of song parodies, (specifically with repurposing lyrics of well-known tunes to fit his current situation), there is no one better than MT. I’ve singlehandedly watched him make on the spot tributes that are SPOT ON. My all-time favorite happened Christmas night as guests were leaving our house. MT decided to clean up the mountain of cheese from our Meat and Cheese tray, and bag it up. Baby Bro, who was a lonely bachelor at the time, was about to head home when MT emerged with a big Ziploc bag of cheese cubes and began singing to the tune of Mister Mister’s “Broken Wings.”
“Take this cheese from me, you’ll never sh*t again, but take this cheese from me.”
8. He’s the greatest morning person.
Well into my 20’s, I was known for being a TERRIBLE AND VICIOUS RISER. My Mom had a hard rule in our house when I was growing up, DON’T WAKE THE SNAKE! (I was the snake.) All that changed once I married MT. He’s so infectiously happy, funny and silly in the mornings, that it’s a JOY AND PLEASURE to get up with him each and every morning (usually by 6am.) True Story: He “overslept” until 7:30am last week (while he was on vacation,) and complained until Noon about being sore from “getting too much sleep.”
7. L4L= THE PICKIEST EATER
MT doesn’t eat 80% of the sh*t that I lurve. Here’s just a small sampling of that which he will not sample: Things with bones “If I can name all the body parts, I’m not interested in eating them.” He will eat chicken, but only in tender or nugget form. No cooked fruits of ANY KIND and L4L prefers his veggies raw. He doesn’t do dairy based anything unless it’s ice cream or cheese. MT refuses creamy textures (of any kind,) and is the food Exotic, gourmet, or strange? NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
6. He’s an Eagle Scout
L4L made Eagle at 12 years old and still lives the clean life of a Boy Scout. He’s even in the Eagle Scout’s secret organization, Order of the Arrow. I get a deep satisfaction from the fact that my husband is such a goody-goody Boy Scout and that I am…a complete scumbag. As the wise sage Paula Abdul and DJ Scat Cat famously quoth: “Opposites Attract.”
5. L4L Gives the best backrubs.
MT has a patented technique where he lightly touches your back with his fingertips, the result is out of this world experience that I’ve dubbed “fingies.” The best part? Angry Baby loves fingies and requests them nightly.
4. He’s got nothing for our Alma Mater.
We met and worked together at NAME WITHHELD UNIVERSITY. You’d think that would cause him to have a soft spot for the place from which he earned his degree, but no…HE HATES THE SCHOOL. Matter of fact, each time they send us something, he rips the mail up UNREAD. Once the Alumni office made the mistake of calling us for a donation, I’ll spare the gories, but let’s just say they’ve NEVER called again.
3. MT is Infinitely patient.
In the 12 years that I’ve loved him, I’ve only seen him ANGRY 2 maybe 3 times. It’s not that he’s a pacifist, it’s just that his fuse is impossibly long (that’s what SHE said.)
2. L4L knows the best way to catch a snake.
It should come as no surprise that my favorite Eagle Scout has spent a good portion of time outdoors. Actually, he’s pretty damn amazing in a “survival situation.” Side note: we used to watch the TV show, Survivorman, until he got tired of correcting Les Stroud, but I digress. One day he was explaining how when he was a camp counselor, he was responsible for putting on a reptile show each week. To accomplish this, he caught at least one wild snake a week. What’s the best way to catch a snake according to my man with nuts of steel? “Let the snake bite you. Then you can clamp it down and get a good hold of it while its fangs are in you,” WHISKY. TANGO. FOXTROT.
1. Mace T. is the funniest person on the planet.
Being a professional zazz maker, often my job entails finding humor in unexpected places. Luckily, I’m married to the funniest person ever. No one can make me laugh like L4L, and let’s face it, I’M HILARIOUS. If I think he’s #1 with the funny, you know he’s pretty f*cking outstanding. Not that this joke will mean anything to y’all, but one morning, we happened to be singing “10 Little Bears,” the song that says: “There were ten in the bed and the little one said, ‘roll over, roll over.” Well, when we got to the third bear MT sang, “There were 3 little bears and the little one said, ‘whatever happened to David Duchovny?” ROFLMAOLOLOLOL
So there you have it, 10 facts about L4L on this occasion of our 10th Wedding Anniversary. Here’s to 70 more incredible years. I figure by the time we’re elderly we’ll all be in silver life-supporting spacesuits with robotic organs, so we’re hopefully guaranteed till 110 years old at least.
I LOVE YOU MACE THE CASE FROM OUTER SPACE, A TENNIS SHOE FROM TENNESSEE!