“Living Fossil Shark” Found In Australia (Y’all Know Where I’m Going With This One.)

For many of you, my humble little joke shanty of a blog is merely entertainment, a way to laugh the productivity away, and for that I am grateful. Honestly, there’s no greater honor than getting to help you goof off and shirk responsibility. But did you know that grouchymuffin is also known as the internet’s #1 place for Megalodon believers to find UP TO DATE information on the presumed extinct (but still living) terror of the deep? Yes, cryptozoologists and shark lovers alike all know that in this world of nonsense, this website is the one place where they can get the straight dope on the Lord of the Deep.

CHOMP. CHOMP!

CHOMP. CHOMP!

Dumb dummy scientists have said for years that there’s NO WAY Megalodon still is out there, but seeing as we know more about outer space than we do our oceans, what in the HELL do they know? Nada, that’s what. 

In reality, Mexico’s Sea of Cortez has a famous Meg called the Black Demon, that stalks its waters. Matter of fact, I had a family member whose scenic boat tour was cancelled without warning because there was a Demon sighting that day, needless to say, there’s plenty of information that proves science is wrong in deeming Meg extinct (remember when they said the coelacanth was extinct?)

Besides the Black Demon, the most famous and well documented Megalodon sighting took place off the Australian coast back in the early 1900’s, a group fishermen (AKA SALTY TOUGH DOGS) were so terrified by the “100ft.+ ghostly white shark,” that they stayed on land for over a week. Now, would you think an entire crew would give the finger to their livelihood for something that didn’t exist? Yeah, me neither. The truth is, Australia has one of the most diverse (and plentiful) ocean ecosystems on the planet, the vast expanse of their waters are home to more than enough food to support a Megalodon, and wouldn’t you know it, just the other day a crew of Australian fishermen caught a Frilled shark in their nets.

frill-snake_wide-5941a513cc819c5bb5c61f5b014bdcfe137c35d7-s800-c85

 

Why should you give two sh*ts about the Frilled Shark? Well, for starters, this creepo-grande has over 300 teeth in 25 rows. Also, the ugly hooker they caught looks like this:

gonna getcha!

gonna getcha!

The REAL reasons that I’m covering this homely sushi are simple, 1. It’s a shark 2. It has only been seen a handful of times, ever. 3. It’s 80 million years old and considered so special and rare that Marine Biologists call it a “Living Fossil.”

This ho was just cold chillin’ off of Australia when some meddling sailors (my favorite type!) swooped it up in their nets. Add that never in the HISTORY OF AUSTRALIAN FISHING have any been caught (or witnessed.) So, if the Fringed Mouth shark can live all this time, barely been seen OR studied by Science, then what’s to say our beloved Megalodon, that HAS been seen in off the same waters, isn’t chomping on these suckers like they were the world’s most hideous Twizzlers?

frilled-shark (1)

Today, an 80 MILLION YEAR OLD shark species is hi-fiving humanity with a reminder of its existence, it is only a matter of time before MEGALODON DECIDES TO SHOW HIMSELF TO US ALL ONCE AGAIN! Don’t worry, in addition to privately funding a future week-long discovery expedition in the Sea of Cortez, I’ll also be keeping you, my fellow Lord of the Deep Lovers in the loop.

Comin' Attcha!

See ya soon!

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(Thanks A-Ball, and Michele!)