Paw-luh Dain, the high-priestess of Southern decadence is back and greasing the wheels of her lucrative empire with a new line of designer butters. Gone is the post-diabeetus healthier Paula. Once more, Queen Paula of the Butter people has returned to be with her tribe. … Continue reading
There’s a litany of ridiculous rituals women force upon themselves, from Baby showers to lady fights over dumb dudes, womankind just can’t seem to cut itself a break. One rite of passage that I mercifully skipped, is the bachelorette party. … Continue reading
People, yesterday in my world was one for the books. I got two major announcements involving two of my obsessions, Whataburger Ketchup and Vanilla Ice. If you’ve ever been to a Whataburger, you know the ketchup they serve is the greatest … Continue reading
Donald Jones is a man from New Mexico that knows what a woman wants in this world. Last Friday, he went to a park in Albuquerque and picked up a lady known for her ho-strolling ways. He then drove his new … Continue reading
If I were to ask you to name the greatest childhood drink mascot, no doubt some silly skanks would say the Nestle Quick Bunny. To you fools I say, “try again.” There’s only one, morbidly obese, red in the face, clearly sloshed man that … Continue reading
Remember Hansel and Gretel? The children’s story, not the Movie starring Grumpy Cat AKA Jeremy Renner. Two kids are lured into an evil witch’s clutches by entering her sumptuous, life-size, gingerbread house. Admit it, you’ve fantasized about diving into a non-cannibal hag … Continue reading
Whole Paycheck, er…Whole Foods is headquartered in Austin, Texas. Coincidentally, Austin is currently home to the South By Southwest Music and Film Festival. AKA The biggest reason to avoid traveling to Austin this time of year. Every March, Austin gets a … Continue reading
Last year was a dark time for snack cakes. Hostess, the go to brand for shame-eaters and drunks, went belly up. Twinkie the Kid, King Ding Dong and crew were tossed out into the cold made to sell their cream-filled … Continue reading
When Taco Bell, America’s favorite diarrhea factory, released the Doritos Locos Taco last year, the world rejoiced. The nuclear orange shell proved irresistible to consumers, it was an instant hit and millions of us were left with “cheese stains” on our fingertips. … Continue reading
The Great White North, Canada is starting to emerge as the hilarious drunk cousin to our Florida. Last month I wrote about a group of Canadian Teachers who duped a bunch of 8th graders into thinking they were getting to … Continue reading