Allow Me To Brag (Please Excuse the Sarcasm)

I live in a suburb of Houston, Texas. Katy, the land of Alpha Moms and A-Hole Dads. People in these parts are obsessed with suburban perfection and don’t mind going in debt up to their eyeballs just to keep up with … Continue reading

Be Careful What You Ask For, Beyonce

Queen Beyoncé the lip synching illuminati high priestess, has had a heckuva few weeks. She sang for the inauguration and last week she power thrusted her babymaker through a halftime spectacular. I skipped it. Matter of fact, I haven’t even watched it online. Why? Simply … Continue reading

Droppin’ Bombs on Relaxation

This past week I’ve been enjoying time on the family ranch, and while the Liberty Longhorn Ranch is still my favorite place on planet Earth, I have to say: I’m thrilled to be home. Scorpions, hormonal women, MORE SCORPIONS, unsuccessful hunting, and a clumsy … Continue reading

Trick Gets Treated (To Rage)

Even though Halloween 2012 is officially over, I still have some horrific delights to share with you. See, I’m fully aware that most of you are ghouls who love to watch Angry Baby’s brutal shenanigans from a comfortable distance. I … Continue reading

It’s Her Party And She’ll Cry if She Wants to

Do you like watching people writhe in misery? Does the thought of listening to hours of relentless screaming make you giggle? Can you find enjoyment where others only see torture? If you answered, “yes” to any of these questions, you … Continue reading

Goodbye, Baby

2 years ago this very day, I gave birth to the Angriest little jellybean the world has ever witnessed. We immediately began calling her Angry Baby. Since then, Doctors, Nurses, innocent bystanders and deserving family have all fallen victim to her burning hot … Continue reading

A.B.C. Always Be Closing

One of Alec Baldwin’s greatest and most infamous roles, is that of Blake, the brass ball-holding demon sent from corporate in the 1992 film, Glengarry Glen Ross. In an abusive and perfectly written monologue, Blake explains that the key to a successful … Continue reading

Extreme Evil (And Beauty)

It’s a burning question that ne’er do wells and evil folks like yours truly ask ourselves everyday: “What if the Disney Villains had won?” Since I was a toddler, I’ve identified and rooted for the bad guy, why…I’ve even got an extensive collection … Continue reading

Worldwide Bacon Shortage Predicted

Bacon lovers of the world, you’re gonna need to sit down for this post. I have some terribly hilarious heartbreaking news.  A UK Group, The National Pig Association is predicting Europe’s bacon supply will continue to quickly deteriorate and the world will … Continue reading

Jessie, The Unwashed

Angry Baby’s given name is Valor. If there’s anything I’ve learned in this almost TWO YEARS(!) being her parent it’s that: 1. A metric ton of people don’t know how to pronounce or spell Valor. 2. It’s a hard name … Continue reading