Larry the Puking Robot (Alternate Title: Robo-Vomit)

Vomiting Kermit, forever in our hearts.

What is it about puking that’s so hilarious? (When it’s not you, of course.) Science knows what I’m talking ’bout!! Say hello to my new favorite robot/future overlord, Vomiting Larry. He’s the world’s first PROJECTILE VOMIT ON COMMAND ROBOT, Y’ALL! The geniuses … Continue reading

Extinct Whale Found Alive (I Think You Know Where I’m Going With This One)

Suck it, Egg Heads!

Santa Claus may be a wheezy old bear wrapped in velvet, AKA the ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS Queen, but this year homeboy has already given yours truly a heckuva gift. This week it was announced the Pygmy Right Whale, a creature that … Continue reading

Squeezing Melons May Prevent Breast Cancer

GET TO WORK!

  Scientists are hard workers. They quietly slave away desperately trying to solve the riddles of the universe one painstaking experiment at a time. It’s a thankless job, really. Well, Science has made yet another startling discovery, and something tells me … Continue reading

Science Delivers A (Much-Needed) Uplifting Story

Sweet Victory.

  The last time I sat down to post something on our clap-trap hobo parlor of a time-wasting website, 20 children in Connecticut were very much alive and looking forward to the holiday treats that Santa Claus had in store for … Continue reading

Drink To Your Health! (Alternate Title: See You in Hell, NyQuil)

  ‘Tis the season of light and love. Miracles abound during the holidays, and today…this bleak and soulless Monday, I have news that will literally change the way you suffer, forever. With the party and palm pressing season in full … Continue reading

The Roof is No Longer on Fire

Last week know-it-alls in Sweden announced the 2012 Nobel Prize winners. Normally, I’m too drunk and stupid to care about such lofty lauds, but this time around, I noticed a glaring oversight, specifically in the Nobel Prize for Medicine category. … Continue reading

Massive Eye From an Unidentified Creature Washes Up in Florida (You Know What MY Guess is!)

It’s beginning, people. The Megalodon is starting to get bolder! While having a relaxing walk on the beach Wednesday, Gino Covacci, of Pompano Beach, Florida came across what looked like a softball. After he kicked it over to investigate further, he … Continue reading

Great White Hope This is True

Greetings my fine friends. Today is a weekly holiday at grouchymuffin, it’s TUES-the-Extreme Day! No matter who you are and what you’ve got going on today, I urge you to find time to LIVE IN THE EXTREME! Binge drinking, bungee … Continue reading

It’s The Most Wonderful Week of the Year

Not gonna lie, Shark Week is my favorite week of the year. Mostly because I love the great white shark and I am devoted to rediscovering the MEGALODON ALIVE! But ever since I chartered this tugboat into the absurd of a … Continue reading

This Should End Well…

Clive Palmer is a nutjob, but he’s a paid nutjob. Mr. Palmer is worth billions. In addition to being the world’s sexiest Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon, you may remember Clive from the news earlier this year when he announced that he’s currently building … Continue reading