Honk if You Hate Vanity License Plates

Vanity license plates. Is there a better way to tell everyone on the road that you’re a huge buttmunch? Perhaps. But, vanity plates are a FAST and efficient way to let the world know that you’re either… 1. A teen-aged girl. … Continue reading

Holiday Rant: Bizzy Bee and the Greedy Jerks

When Lover fo’ Life and I found out we were having a baby, we discussed all aspects of rearing a child and began strategizing for the best possible way to raise her. Clueless idiots that we were, the two of … Continue reading

Look No Further, Here’s The Biggest A-Hole in the World

Today Satan momentarily stopped 69’ing Adolf Hitler to let out a Golf clap in honor of the most unfun, humorless trick that ever hit the Halloween game. Some whore in North Dakota decided to take out her misery from living in North Dakota, on kids. … Continue reading

Hedge Fund Fat Cat Hires Famous Hedgehog for the Day

Hey there little starsailor, havin’ a bad day? Worry not, your ol’ pal Cribsy is here to share a tale about someone who’s definitely more pathetic than you or I could ever be. Meet Steve Cohen. Billionaire Steve Cohen is … Continue reading

Halloween Pinterest Horrors

Halloween is but a shake of the kitten’s whisker away, and while I live for this dead time of year, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that I’d like to address, Pinterest is f*cking it all up. It started a few … Continue reading

Cheer Up Charlie = THE WORST

Tomorrow night I’m attending “The Ultimate Wonka Party,” at the Alamo Draft House. Lover Fo’ Life and I are big fans of the Candy Man, in our hearts Gene Wilder is THE ONLY WILLY WONKA. In addition to getting to see … Continue reading

Twerk and Selfie are Now in the Oxford Dictionary (Alternate Title: I JUST CAN’T)

Blow out the candles, turn off the lights and lock up when you’re done because humanity as we know it is OVER. A coupla weeks ago, I reported on the fact that those sluts at Miriam-Webster now include a definition of … Continue reading

I’ve Never Been Happier to be OLD: The 2013 VMAs in a Nutshell

True story, I had planned to get lit up like a Christmas tree and hate-watch the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Matter of fact, I skipped sneaking my flask into a movie theatre on Saturday afternoon because I was saving … Continue reading

Look What You Did You Little Jerks: Dictionary Makes Change Because of Idiots

Once upon a time, people looked crap up in dictionaries. Before the internet, a Dictionary was a kid’s best friend when it came to learning proper spelling and looking up dirty words. In 3rd grade, I was lauded as a hero for pointing out … Continue reading

Decapitated Copperhead Snake Bites Itself (Kill it With Fire)

I hate snakes. Cold-blooded and creepy, the slithering demons are the stuff of my nightmares. Chances are, you hate them too. My hatred for snakes is such that I will not watch a show featuring them, nor will I look … Continue reading