Tales From the Unnecessary Reboot

You know, I had this whole uplifting post all about how we all survived the worst week of the year, complete with some surprising shark news that further leads to my beloved Megalodon still being un-extinct. Sadly, I awoke from a … Continue reading

Most Expensive Car Vandalized (With What We’re All Thinking)

The Bugatti Veyron supercar is the world’s most expensive production car and with a staggering 2.5 million dollar price tag, it should come as no surprise that the car commands attention. This particular car was parked on a Seattle street when a … Continue reading

Signs Of The End Times: Birkenstocks Are BACK

  You’ll have to forgive me, I’m still half hung over and in a meat coma from yesterday’s “girls night out.” See, I had the brilliant idea to book us a table at my favorite Brazilian Steakhouse and my best … Continue reading

Rant: The Humblebrag

We need to talk about the humblebrag. For those of you occupied with “having a life,” allow me to explain. The Urban Dictionary, clarion of modern-day slang and decoder of tween sayings, defines humblebragging as: Subtly letting others know about how fantastic your … Continue reading

Ronald McDonald Got A Makeover, Y’all

Ah McDonald’s! If they aren’t tempting you with their various fried frankenfood, they most assuredly are creeping you out with their mascot, the red-haired and magnanimous, Ronald McDonald. In 1964, the great Willard Scott first donned the make-up and became … Continue reading

Titanium Screwed

Ever notice how when someone wants to tell you all about their problems, they often first ask “how are you?” Inevitably, like a dumb dummy, you start spilling the gories regarding the food poisoning you got from a rogue tuna … Continue reading

Snakes In A Cab (Alternate Title: The Biggest Jerk EVER)

New York Cab driver/ Stunt Queen Jimmy Failla has a new book out all about his adventures driving a cab. To promote the release, and slither into our collective conscience, he decided to pull one low-down, no-good, sh*tty sh*tty, prank. Jimmy … Continue reading

Rant: Let’s Talk About Bossy

  Yesterday I was made aware of perhaps the most unnecessary campaign in the history of childhood. Say hello to the “Ban Bossy,” movement. Started by Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer for Facebook, the goal is to eradicate the … Continue reading

Mario Kart Speed Skating is the Greatest Sport of ALL

The Winter Olympics are now over, thank freaking goodness. I don’t think that it’s humanly possible for me to give less f*cks than I do about the stupid winter games. Especially this year when Vladdy Putin, a size queen who … Continue reading

Achy Breaky Heart Part 2 (The Jokes Write Themselves)

Yesterday, America’s least-favorite swamp rat/ offspring pimper, Billy Ray Cyrus, released a new single and accompanying video titled, “Achy Breaky 2.” The song is a rebooted version of Billy’s early nineties aural abortion, this time featuring aspiring rapper (and son … Continue reading