Swiminist Suits that Provide Equal Opportunity WTF

Summer 2017 has quickly established itself as the summer of WTF fashion, especially for the menfolk. Between rompHIMs, lace shorts, and Ken Doll man-buns, the boys have provided lotsa laffs for our collective internet community.

Hay gurl haaaay!

But what about the ladies, where are OUR regretful summer ’17 sartorial trends? Why do guys get to have all the fun in the sun during these scorching months? EQUAL RIGHT TO ELICIT LAUGHS, YA SMELLY OLD FUN HOGS!

Reader and friend Terry sent me a photo of a hideous swimsuit that gave me cause to believe that not all hope was gone for the ladies. Perhaps we too could emerge with a cringeworthy summer ’17 must-have sure to incite douchechills for generations to come.

Umm…

When I started digging in a bit, it became clear: SISTERS ARE DOIN’ IT (JUST AS BADLY) FOR THEMSELVES THIS SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a real thing, I swear.

Beloved Shirts, a company known for internet-based humorous clothing, started screenprinting ladies’ one-piece bathing suits. Designed for the funny gal with a bangin’ bod, these suits are guaranteed to get a reaction at the beach.

Women, womyn, grrrls, bois, and boys with excellent tuck game, I invite you to swim the murky waters of regrettable fashion choices with me, and dive head first into these statement pieces.

Doesn’t matter who you are, or where your eyes are, some of these suits are 100% hug repellant!

YAAAAS KWEEN!

Dat face you make when Twitter’s down.

 

This baby is much like the foam cup design of the 90’s that it mimics…it’s easy to throw in the garbage, but will haunt the world forever.

Trashy!

You’re not just a piece of meat, but the swimsuit is!

Gaga’s was better.

Too Bad they don’t make this Nicolas Cage swim suit in a tighty whitey-like brief, Dad would own a dozen of them.

“Nic Cage is a National Treasure.” -My Dad

I’m getting some serious Slim Goodbody vibes off this one.

I see right through you.

And for you wet behind the ears tramps who don’t know my homeboy, Mr. Goodbody, the ORIGINAL Slim shady: 

You know you want this!

When you want to tell the world, “I’m cheap, but you can live off me when you’re broke!”

Oodles of Noodles!

Because who wouldn’t want to wear a pack of adorable sloths?

SLOTHS!

May the designer of this suit, burn in Flavortown (AKA Hell.)

Giggity.

That last one was just too much to bear. The thought of a coked-up hedgehog screaming at your lady bits doesn’t seem appealing in the least.

We need a palate cleanser, BEHOLD! The MOST BEAUTIFUL SWIMSUIT EVER CREATED, THE PIZZAKINI!

Mama Mia!

 

I haven’t even included all of the best funny suits, head over to Beloved Shirts (AKA the nonsense shop) to see the rest and kill a little more time that you weren’t doing anything with anyway.

Way to go ladies! This summer our options are  just as unfortunate as the menz! USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!

Thanks, Terry! 


Comments

Swiminist Suits that Provide Equal Opportunity WTF — 3 Comments

  1. I know who is getting a Guy Fieri swimsuit this year! YOU! You lucky thing you. But I am afraid the water in your pool may run from you in that thing. Be sure to check your mail! Muhahaha

    • I have YOUR address too, who’s to say I didn’t get you one already! NEXT STOP FLAVORTOWN WITH A SIDE OF “DONKEY SAUCE!”

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