Wonder WHY!? (Alternate Title: Sit Down Impostor, MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN!)

After decades of stalling, allegedly attached stars, and an eternity in rewriting, that hot tramp Wonder Woman is finally about to have her own big budget Hollywood action film debut. Gal Godot is the starlet of the moment who made headlines a coupla years ago when she snagged the titular role. Before her, literally every brunette actress claimed to be interested in playing the Amazon.

Meh.

Reviews so far have been glowing, but after last year’s misogynist/racist internet meltdown over the all-lady Ghostbusters reboot, most of the press is slow to pan a female-driven blockbuster. In the end, audiences will judge how worth the wait Wonder Woman 2017 is.

At first, I was simply going to forgo writing about the movie. As a die-hard fan of the 70’s television Wonder Woman series starring NATIONAL TREASURE: Lynda Carter, I was pretty sure that I’d have nothing positive to say about the 2017 movie. Rather than dim the shine of a potential woman-centric franchise, I was just going to ignore the Wonder Woman movie.

Then I saw a photo from the film’s world Premiere…

Choose the RIGHT one, baby!

What you are looking at is ageless Glamazon and beauty icon Lynda Carter (AKA 70’s Wonder Woman,) and Gal Godot (AKA Today’s gal.)

I’m not going to betray the confidence of this beautiful angel, but suffice to say Ms. Carter is old enough to be Gal’s Mom, matter of fact, she’s exactly TWICE Gal’s age! Look, I’m all for celebrating women of all ages and that whole age is just a number business, but we need to stop everything and take in the gorgeous and awe-inspiring sight of DAME LYNDA CARTER.

SWOON!

Gal, you’re super fit and cute, even drop-dead gorgeous, but honey, you’re out of your pay grade here. You need to fire the publicist that thought posing next to this Goddess was a good idea for you.

It’s ok kiddo, not everyone can be FLAWLESS!

Since the dumb dummys at Warner Brothers media relations opened this can of worms, I’m just going to ask the question everyone has on their minds: WHY ON EARTH DID YOU IDIOTS NOT CAST THE AGELESS WONDER THAT IS LYNDA WITH A Y!

Yeah yeah yeah, I know she’s older, BUT CHEESE AND GUACAMOLE, WHO CARES?! SHE’S A KNOCKOUT!

HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA!

THIS is the face of a blockbuster franchise, I mean look at this woman, THIS VISION. Gal Godot is draped in a bazillion dollar couture confection, meanwhile our gal LC’s sportin’ some sort of Ringmaster applying for a bank loan get-up; yet who looks better? Durrrrr, it’s Lynda.

Shame on Hollywood for not casting the rightful Queen of the Amazons! Lynda’s already shown us that she still has pristine acting chops; take her turn in the classic 2005 Disney Tour De Cinema, Sky High. If you haven’t acquainted yourself with the movie, I highly recommend watching her play a stern but comely, Principal Powers. Sky High is basically Disney’s knock-off of Harry Potter, except the parents live and Harry becomes best friends with Draco Malfoy.

Guilty pleasure? You bet. Better than anything Hollywood has to offer this summer? Absolutely.

SEXY DUMBLEDORE!

Shame on you, Warner Brothers and literally every other person who has ever been attached to any Wonder Woman movie script. You had the real and actual WONDER of a WOMAN that is Lynda Carter in the world and somehow all of you fools blew it. I’ve been screaming the same thing over and over since 1993 when bowl of laxatives Sandra Bullock was attached to an alleged Wonder Woman movie script: “CAST LYNDA CARTER, YOU FOOLS!”

In closing, I’ll share one last dazzling fact about her majesty Queen Lynda: she’s a SINGER, Y’ALL!

Stop EVERYTHING and take in this loungetastic Tina Turner/ KISS Mashup from her 1980 Television Special, “Encore!” The number looks like something straight from a Carnival Cruise which is to say, it OOOOOZES CLASS!

(Make sure to watch past the 1:08 min mark for the KISS cover. Her phrasing is the funniest thing musicians will see all week!) 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *