This Is What Rock Bottom Looks Like

In these bleak days of geopolitical unrest, one could easily find themselves perpetually bummed out. add the fact that Game of Thrones isn’t premiering until July, and Payless Shoesource just filed for bankruptcy, and it really is tough to muster a smile these days.

Luckily, I ‘m here. As the head chuckle master on this merry-go-crap of buffoonery, I’d like to think my feeble attempts at internet garbage have some positive effect on my dear readers. Regardless if you find yourself buoyed by fart jokes and adolescent humor, or you simply hate-read to strengthen your eye-roll muscles, this blog provides the world with something to read while nature calls.

Today I’m putting on my “motivational speaker suspenders”; I’M GOING FULL TONY ROBBINS!

Unleash the power with chin!

See, while watching the news a few nights ago, I saw an ad for Golden Corral that gave me golden clarity. I’m here to say TODAY at THIS VERY MOMENT, you have much to be grateful for, and the world is STILL yours for the making.

For those of you not familiar, Golden Corral is a buffet restaurant that started out as a chain steakhouse. Over our great land, hundreds of Golden Corrals have flourished, and through the years they have become synonymous with a sumptuous buffet of comfort foods that includes real steak and a dessert bar.

Just kidding, Golden Corral is the place synonymous with Papaw and Memaw’s “special place.”

Next time you enter a Golden Corral, take a look at all of the families enjoying time with several generations, it’s more lively than a bingo game at a retirement community. There’s a 99% chance that the last time you ate at a Golden Corral it was Pepaw’s treat.

Cooler than all of us.

Back in 2015, in an effort to reach out to the next generation of Nana and Papas, the Corral partnered with Jeff Foxworthy to jazz up their brand with his trademark folksy humor and family friendly appeal. Jeff’s humorous ads have been making the rounds since.

Last month, Golden Corral debuted a commercial titled “Royalty,” I need you to take a look at it, because it’s exactly what rock bottom looks like. The sound is off, which is a blessing, because you miss the meat puns.

Oh I can hear all of you now, “But Cribsy, Jeff Foxworthy is RICH, that’s not rock bottom!

You might be a redneck need a paycheck.

Wrong.

Money does not solve all of life’s problems, sure, it makes them easier to deal with, but what good is massive wealth if one has no dignity?

At Jeff’s core, he’s a broken man who has humiliated himself for a few sheckles. By donning that golden Golden Corral suit of armor, Jeff is telling the world, “I give up.”

 

These times are strange and harsh indeed, but no matter what you face today, take comfort in the fact that you’re not Jeff Foxworthy in a knight costume, shilling for Golden Corral.

Afterall, it could always be worse. Amirite, Sir Jeff of the Rednecks!?

Oh my dignity!

 

 


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