Horsin’ Around Taco Bell

A man rode his horse to Taco Bell and that’s not a punchline for a joke.

Saturday night, Riverside California first responders received a call for help from an owner of a horse who fell into a hole on the way home from Taco Bell. The unnamed owner, (because let’s face it, you’d be anonymous too if you got caught at Taco Bell on horseback), was on his way home with the horse, when a city Utility Vault cover  broke and the horse fell into the 5X10 concrete pit. After much effort, a crane and experts were able to pull the 1500 lb. horse to safety.

In other good news, the horse only received minor cuts and was treated on the spot by a veterinarian, HE’S GOING TO BE OKAY! YAY!!!!!

 

 

In all honesty, horsey was probably happier in that hole than having to suffer the indignity of a Taco Bell drive-trhu.

Can you believe this proud and majestic creature had to share the same line as the gutter trash that goes to the Bell late at night?! I speak from experience, of course.

See, I’ve drunk yelled many a late-night Taco Bell order over my designated driver’s wincing face. Trust me when I say, the last thing a wasted Taco Bell shame eater deserves is to share the same air as such a regal animal.

 

I know what all my fellow Texans and sassy Floridian friends are thinking, “STEP OFF, CALIFORNIA!”

California, your sunny beaches and accents have NO PLACE in the LOLZ State Competition, BACK THE HELL AWAY!

Leave Taco Bell drive-thru by horseback to the professionals.

For years, FLA and the Lone Star State have been in an all out trailer park wedding brawl to see which state can make the most outlandish headlines . WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER CONTENDER, CALIFORNIA!

You have your fancy wines, clean living, the entire entertainment industry, and most of the country’s best produce. THAT’S ENOUGH.

You’ve been warned!

Im closing, 5 bux sez Toby Keith is currently buying the rights to this story, I smell a sequel to his 2008 cinematic truimph, BEER FOR MY HORSES TWO: BEANS FOR MY HORSES!

Yes, this was a thing.

PS: I’ll use any excuse to include ratatat:

 

 

 

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