Well well well, look who decided to show back up! Sorry kiddies, I’ve been busier than a bumble bee snorting meth in a bouncehouse. When last we met, I was on part 2 of 3 in the DASTARDLY DEEDS OF BUSHWACKER BILL saga…BTW, part 3 debuts VEDDY VEDDY SOOOOON!
Usually, I don’t talk about politics on this flop-house of a sloppy blog. As a Texan, I live in a state where your political affiliatons are assumed, and even if you were of descinding persuasion, your vote doesn’t count because for every one of your bumpersticker-clad Subarus, there are 25 earth-murdering Suburbans just waiting to cut you off in traffic.
Today’s post is all about the 2016 Election, or as I like to call it, LOLZ-A-PALOOZA!
A talking Hemorrhoid, and real-life Tracy Flick are in a fist fight to finagle a way into the White House, all while Larry David p*sses everyone off by reminding us exactly how f*cked our country currently is. It’s bedlam, and the world is eating their popcorn and savoring every moment of this sh*t-show.
I like to think of the 2016 election cycle as one big telenovela. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of watching a telenovela (aka spanish-speaking soap opera,) you know that they are over the top, completely implausible, riddled with outrageous plot twists, and absolutely addictive. The Presidential race is my current favorite “story,” and I’m an excitable abuelita clutching my rosary feverishly watching each and every episode.
In another twist to a positively twisted election cycle, the Libertarian Party had their National Convention last week, and decided to remind everyone that they still are a thing, and they’re just as batsh*t crazy as the other choices.
James Weeks, in addition to rocking a righteous beard and a delicious looking coif of cotton candy-like hair, bro was a candidate for NATIONAL CHAIRMAN of the Libertarian party, when he decided to quit that b*tch. Seems James had a dare with friends that he’d drop out in the most glorious way, by stripping of course.
Luckily C-SPAN, who clearly has nothing better to do, sent a team to cover the NATIONAL Libertarian Party Chairman candidate’s farewell speech. Here’s a sexy slice of the democratic process at work, I’m going to need your lazy a**es to drop everything and watch the following video. Just try to tear your eyeballs away from this jiggling beacon of freedom! We’ll discuss afterwards.
• NO, you didn’t just watch an SNL digital short,, this really happened.
• I love the dumb dummys wooing it up and dancing before they realize that they’re about to see his not-so-hot pocket.
• Speaking of unmitigated horror and shock, the crowd turns on a dime, and provides a hilarious underscore.
• Announcement dude super into making sure parlimentary proceedure is adhered to, is my new hero. After being subjected to Robert’s Rules of Obese Stripping, homeboy doubled down on his previous announcement like nothing happened. BONUS love point for when he wryly recovered and offered up James’ forgotten cell phone.
• Finally, can we talk about that full set James is rocking? Goodness son, put those fellas in a brazier or at the very least, get some ratcheting tie-downs!
America…ugh, I give up.