Drop Kicking Monkey (Because, Monday)

Lauded treasures of children’s lit, Margaret and H.A. Rey, the duo responsible of the Curious George series,  are lying pieces of crap. George’s 100% made-up shenanigans helped foster an acceptance of big yellow hats and more disturbingly, a love of monkeys. Long-considered a charming and adorable trixter, the monkey has enjoyed a fictitious friendship with humanity, save a handful of campy sci-fi movies and the ALWAYS terrifying guerilla, humanity doesn’t have a proper respect for what a threat monkeys pose.

He's practicing his choke-hold.

He’s practicing his choke-hold.


For those of you know-it-alls who are about to chime in that “monkeys are not the same as gorillas,” SHUT UP you orangutans! As far as I’m concerned, they’re all monkeys. I don’t care if that makes me a real Brian Fellows about simian stuff, actually, I STRIVE to be Brian Fellows! DAT LIPGLOSS! 



As I was saying, it’s high-time the world accept the hard and cold truth that monkeys are face-ripping, crap-tossing, sonofab*tches. I HATE THEM! Give our dumb species a few more years of royally f*cking it up while twittering on our instagrams, and then BOOM! Robots and Monkeys will take over. inevitably, the biomechanics of artificial intelligence mating with monkeys, will be sorted out, and unstoppable Robokeys (AKA Monbots,) will enslave the whole lot of us.

Dr. Zaius won't help you.

Dr. Zaius won’t help you.

Consider this video of a drop-kicking monkey, shot late February in parts unknown, as further proof that we need to wise the hell up about these shaggy opportunists and CRUSH THEM WHILE WE CAN!

Here’s a giphy for you lazy jerks:

giphy (1)



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