In the latest dispatch from Texas’ bar-brawl with Florida for most nonsensical state in the union, a Houston woman stopped traffic for over two hours this morning, leaving a sh*tload of commuters stranded in absolute Hell. The unnamed beauty was involved in a car crash with two other vehicles when she decided she’d had enough, shucked her clothes like an oyster shell, and climbed on top of a big rig involved in the pileup. According to my local station, once fully nude and perched upon her proper pedestal, our muse quit that b*tch, and started dancing.
If ever there were a metaphor for Mondays, telling thousands of people to f*ck off by leaving them stranded while you treat the authorities to an all-nude jiggling of your powerbush, would be the perfect one.
Speaking of Mondays, what about the poor cops who tried to coax her down for 2 hours only to end up getting out the ladder and tackling her with hand cuffs? And you thought your Monday sucked! We’re all Leonardo Di Caprio navigating a sea of hot tail in a diamond studded codpiece, compared to these tireless public servants.
The next time you spill coffee all over the important papers, nod off in some dumb boring meeting, or get stuck listening to a reviled coworker blather on about politics like they’re the second coming of Kissinger, think about the officers. With a job like this, how could you not back the boys in blue!? Imagine cops trying to stuff those buttery biscuits back in the can, after two hours marinating in her own juices, she’s bound to smell like the port of Houston mixed with exhaust and regret.
On a related note, I’m asking for a friend:
What do you think her Majesty partook in this fine morrow, to go so off the wall bats*t crazy? More importantly, where can my friend get some?
Judging by the photos, sweet cheeks either drank a quart of Popov vodka, snorted an entire easter egg of coke, or smoked one of Bob Marley’s dreadlocks. Anyway you slice it, I want to be her new party pal.
GET IT GIRL!!!