Tricks or Tramps

It’s no secret that this ol’ culture vulture lurves Halloween. Creepy creeps, spooky ghouls, and candy, what’s not to love!?

In the past couple of decades, however, Halloween has added another element that I love, sluts slutting it up! Each year, costumes get skimpier, and while I could write a ten-thousand word hate-essay about trampy costumes for LITTLE GIRLS(!) that are starting to pop up, I’m choosing to take the lower road, the one that leads to fallen women in a race to sexify everything.

Today, were hitting the Halloween Ho-Stroll, so slap on some stilettos and forget the underwear, IT’S SEXY EVERYTHING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For starters, we’ve got one that I’ve mentioned before, but it bears repeating…

SEXY SLICE OF PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get out of my dreams, and into my mouth.

Get out of my dreams, and into my mouth.

 

Want something sweeter? Here’s SEXY FUN DIP!

I will give Blondie bonus points for being one of the more obscure candies, but all I can focus on is how much that “lik a stik” looks like a maxipad with blue period blood on it.

Dip this and get the Drip.

Dip this and get the Drip.

 

Try not to fog your glasses with these SEXY TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. Hot-cha-cha these girls know how to tart it up! Bonus points for Donatello’s arm positioned just the right way to where it looks like she’s a hero on the clam-shell to Leonardo

HOMINA! HOMINA! HOMINA!

HOMINA! HOMINA! HOMINA!

 

Speaking of cartoon characters, did someone order a SEXY OLAF FROM DISNEY’S FROZEN???

(Yeah, I didn’t think so.)

 

Do you wanna do some blow, man?

Do you wanna do some blow, man?

And while we’re on the evil empire tip, here’s the head b*tch in charge at Disney, SEXY MINNIE MOUSE!!!

 

Golly!

Golly!

 

 

Maybe this next one isn’t “sexy,” but I still take umbrage with it, a fried egg? Really? Truth be told, I’d rather see a pair of fried eggs, if you can crack what I’m shelling. 

Zzzzzz, BOR-ING! EVEN JAZZ HANDS CAN’T JAZZ THIS SH*T UP!

No.

No.

 

Pour one out for Humanity, we’ve hit rock bottom with the SEXY EBOLA NURSE (LOL at the disclaimer!)

Oh She's contagious, alright.

Oh, She’s contagious alright.

 

Here’s a fresh load of WTF, it’s Pink and Sexy Hitler (?????)

Heil to the NO!

Heil to the NO!

 

From one piece of pure evil to a piece of pure evil fiction, cleanse your palate with SEXY DARTH VADER.

costume-6

He’s got a real chubby for Star Wars.

 

 

And finally, my favorite needless sexualized Halloween costume of 2015, SEXY MISTER PEANUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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Put a monocle on it.

Folks, there’s still plenty of time to fashion yourselves costumes made from your wildest fantasies! Why, you can even make sexy fantasy characters, right sexy Gandalf?

 

Tolkien it to the sexy limit.

Tolkien it to the sexy limit.

 

Now get to sluttin! Here’s a little diddy of inspiration, it’s grouchymuffin resident musical muse, AB SOTO!!!

FANTASY!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

(Thanks, MT!)


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