The Song Of The Summer (And the Rest of Your Life)

Well hello there, my little wilting flowers! Have you missed your dearest and most insincere friend, Cribsy? Why, it’s been a dog’s age since I spoke with you and all I can say is, I TAKE OFF MOST SUMMERS, so y’all should be used to my lazy as f*ck mentality. Sorry, that’s how it is in the pimp game, when you’re hot on the streets, you gots to move those feets.

You'd better WORK!

You’d better WORK!

 

Shopbiz has been booming, and while my insanely specific and bizarre cottage industry shows no signs of slowing, I’m hitting an efficient stride. Oh sure, I process as many as 100 orders a day, but I’ve got it down. What that means for you, and more importantly, the inner 12-year-old boy inside of me, is that I’m back to making fart jokes on the regz and teaching you gutter sluts a thing or two about this flophouse that we call planet earth.

Today my task is but a simple one, I am charged with introducing you to your new favorite song, an infectious tune that by comparison makes every other song in the history of humanity sound like a walrus fart. Please, put your earphones on, crank it when your boss is busy playing solitaire, or excuse yourself to the crapper so you can watch/listen on your cellular device. The song comes to us from musical artist and precious moon beam, AB SOTO or Mr. Soto, if ya nasty! (We’ll discuss this triumph further after your required viewing,) ENJOY!

Now, a WARNING! Whoops, I guess I should have done this prior to you clicking on the aural masterpiece that is, “Cha Cha B*tch,” YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GET THIS SONG OUT OF YOUR HEAD, EVER!

Some thoughts on what you just saw:

1. I need that sequined suit, GIMMIE GIMMIE!

2. Mr. Soto makes “Gangham Style’s” PSY look like the Brawny Man.

Always a size queen.

Always a size queen.

And finally…

3. Homegirl is so top-hat fancy, I’m pretty sure his rocket shoots pure glitter. If you know what I mean.

Have a member of your family that shuns you for being fancy? Maybe your Facebook feed is littered with chaw-chewing, hate-spewing, homophobes? Simply post this video and surely, the lines of hatred will be erased forever. You see, music is the universal language, and this song universally says, “HAY! You know you want to rub your swimsuit area all over a sweaty gogo boy working the pole, huff some whippets, and chew on his used thong like it was beef jerky.”

Sigh, who hasn’t!?

I’ll see you sluts tomorrow!

Your Pal,

Cribsy

 

 


Comments

The Song Of The Summer (And the Rest of Your Life) — 4 Comments

  1. O.M.G. Can we please (You, Mace & Me) learn this dance and do our own video??? This is effin priceless!!! Well gurl, when you make a comeback you do it with a bang! A sequined & glitter clad, sassy bang! LOVES

  2. My first thought was also covetous in nature about the pink sequin suit. It’s bound to be this fall’s must have wardrobe staple. Second, when he was fantasy cha cha bitching in space, I wondered where the heck you find this stuff. Afterward, I looked at a black screen for at least 30 seconds wondering what in the HAIL I just watched. Thanks for that.

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