Greetings fellow admirers and connoisseurs of finely aged former boy-bander, Justin Timberlake! Once again, it’s time for our distinguished fellowship, the Timberlake Appreciation Society, to gather. As most of you already know, we are the internet’s first and only society devoted to loving and promoting the fandom of one Justin Randall Timberlake.
When we last met, it was all about lamenting the death of a dream, a dream that one day JT would come to his senses and dump that lump, Oatmeal Biel.
As previously promised, I have not wished for the couple’s demise since it was announced that they were expecting a child. After All, once kids are in the picture, sh*t gets real for life, no matter how hideous the choice in partner may be, a child bonds people together…forever.
Fast forward all these months later, last week Biel and her MUCH BETTER half Justin, welcomed a baby boy. They named him Silas Randall Timberlake. Here’s a photo of the little heartbreaker:
OMG! SQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! CAN YOU EVEN!? HOW STINKING ADORABLE IS HE!?!?!?!?!?!
He looks like he’s singing already!!! That or he’s doing the newborn baby feed me shark face. Which all babies lurve to do…
Can I just give the new parents props for posting a photo with those unkempt potted plants and gross decking in the background?! CELEBRITIES- JUST LIKE US!
I’m going to give Biel a pass as she’s clearly taking notes from the new mom handbook: ballcap to hide greasy unwashed hair, and rocking a purple victoria’s secret bra from 1998. She’s now ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US! Welcome to the club, lady!
Silas is pretty much the cutest thing produced by a member of NSYNC since Chris Kirkpatrick’s braids.
Look, I can take or leave Oatmeal Biel, but one thing’s for sure, hooker incubates a PRECIOUS BABY! Also, in the interest of full disclosure, Justin has NEVER BEEN HOTTER. You sluts with babies know what I’m talking about, something happens when a man becomes a devoted Dad.
Maybe it’s the ineviatable “Dad Pancakes,” on the menu every future saturday, or perhaps raising a child cuts through all the macho bullsh*t society has beaten into the male brain, whatever the case, I’m as moist as a sea urchin right now (sorry, Nana!)
Speaking of bubbes, you know JT’s Mama. the beautiful and remarkable, Lynn Harless, is over the damn moon right now. Sure, it’s not the Justney baby she (and the rest of the world) dreamed of, but Silas’ adorability quotient far exceeds all sustainable forms of measurement, one week old and he’s already a CHART TOPPER!
In closing, let us rejoice and celebrate the birth of America’s most lovable BABYDADDY, cheers to you, Mr. Timberlake!!! As for Oatmeal Biel, at least she’s no K-Fed. I’m just sayin’.
(I’m pretty sure only one person in the world gets the joke in my title, this one’s for you, Leggs!)