Look, I know I was supposed to hook you skanks up with the latest dispatch from my empire forged from plastic and little girl squeals of hapiness, but we’ve got some serious sh*t to discuss this morning. You’ll just hafta wait ’till Monday for the Shopkins Barroness to grace you once again with her presence, why? BECAUSE TODAY IS ALL ABOUT KISSING HUMANITY GOODBYE.
Start stockpiling dry beans and tampons, put your affairs in order, and get ready to fight badgers for the last scraps of garbage from the dumpster behind TGI Fridays, because THE HUMAN RACE IS OFFICIALLY DUNZO.
For over 15 years, The 1980’s style aesthetic has been “back.” From Neon to popped collars, the eighties have had a nostalgic appeal longer than the original 80’s!
These last few years have taken a turn towards a 1990’s revival. Surge, Birkenstock sandals, fabric that looks like it’s straight from County Seat, Babydoll dresses, have all returned to the marketplace, now JNCO jeans are adding to the groundswell. FOLKS- IT’S ALL OVER BUT THE CRYING!
Here’s a refresher for those of you that blocked these sartorial abortions out of your brainmeat.
Fun Fact: I have a family member (whose identity will be protected) that rocked the f*ck out of JNCOs, and you know what, he made it work. Of course, he also used to keep 40s of Malt Liquor in his JNCO pockets, so maybe I was more impressed by his ability to convert them into sloshing party pants. But I digress.
What’s next in 1990 fashion resurrection? Golf visors!?
MORE Rave Attire?
If people are clamoring for more JNCO jeans, then we’ve truly hit rock bottom as a species. Best get your affairs in order as one can assume it’s only a matter of time before Fred Durst and Chili Bowl haircuts are re-discovered by ironic teens.
TRUE STORY: A few weeks ago, L4L and I were at a Target when I saw an exact replica of a sad-assed dress I wore “back in the day.” As we hate-browsed through ALL OF THE 90’s fashion offerings the chain retailer was pushing, L4L remarked: “What’s next? JNCO Jeans!?” He totally called it.
The point of my story is that it’s all Lover Fo’ Life’s fault, he did this to us. Thanks a lot, you brilliant, sooth-saying, jerk!