GIMMIE GIMMIE, I NEED: The Jaws Crib

What happens when you’re a new parent and best friends with a set designer who has worked with Lady Gaga and has his own twisted toyline: Toxic Teddies ?

You end up with the most kickass crib, ever. Sculptor and all around mensch, Joseph Reginella was hanging out at his pal’s backyard bar this summer, when inspiration struck him, he wanted to build a Jaws-themed crib, his bar buddy drew this mock up of the idea.

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Shortly after he thought up this marvel of modern infant containment, his BFF, Mark Melaccio announced that he and his wife were expecting a boy. Seeing as Mark is a HUGE Jaws fan, it was a no-brainer, Joesph decided to make the crib for his future nephew. The rest they say, is Reddit gold.

BEHOLD! The GREATEST THING EVER MADE FOR A BABY IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TIME:

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Just to remind you of the original, this crib recreates one of the BEST scenes in Jaws, where Captain Quint meets his killer DOLLS’ EYE TO DOLL’S EYE!

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To those of you panty-waists who are crying “CHILD ABUSE,” no, the kid isn’t terrified of the crib, he’s just a two month old (AKA always crying.) Here’s a photo of baby Mikey getting his relax on.

This is the life.

This is the life.

Maybe it’s the rogue Taco Soup from last night, reminding me of the torturous heartburn I had for the better part of 9 months, or perhaps it’s that I enjoy sleep, but for now, “kitchen’s closed,” if you know what I mean. Kids bring unbridled joy, delight and all that jazz, but babies? Babies are total a**holes. Seriously. 

Oh sure, things change and full disclosure, I cannot pass a newborn in public without squealing like a Taylor Swift fan, but the fever to procreate has broken. I’ll take this moment to address my Moms in Law, who is most likely angrily throwing her laptop at this revelation:

Don’t worry, K-Dawg, I’m just fooling for my silly blog of dumb stuff. You know that I just can’t help being hilarious and this whole “no womb in the Inn,” act is just for the thousands of readers who look to me for chuckles. I’m sure Angry Baby will eventually start hitting us up for a sibling (to enslave as her minion,) and as you already know: I can’t deny that brat anything.

 

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(Thanks Lisa!) 

 


Comments

GIMMIE GIMMIE, I NEED: The Jaws Crib — 1 Comment

  1. I am so glad to have you back 🙂 You always bring me many smiles as I slave away in this hell-hole 😉 So, thank you!! And to pay homage to your return…Behold! the savior of sexy…and bringing it back!

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