Greetings fellow members of the Timberlake Appreciation Society, you’ll have to forgive me for the lapse in correspondence, but let’s face it, in the months since we last met, it’s become pretty clear that the world has accepted our invitations to love Justin Timberlake wholeheartedly.
For the past coupla weeks, there has been an unpleasant piece of celebrity “buzz” annoying the fiddlesticks out of me. Despite my best attempts at ignoring this rumor, it has persistently grown and it now appears to be confirmed. Being the caretaker of the world’s #1 society devoted to proving that Justin Timberlake is worthy of love and adoration, I feel like you should hear this earth shattering announcement here, amongst your esteemed friends and colleagues.
Justin Timberlake, and the woman lucky enough to snag him, Jessica “Oatmeal Biel” Timberlake have come down with a case of the Babyfriends.
Sadly, now that these two have a human being coming into this world, it’s no longer proper manners to WISH THEY WOULD DIVORCE ASAP. Nope, from here on out it’s nothing but good wishes for these two romantically, because divorce is super hard on kids, y’all. So, it is with a heavy heart that I hereby cancel our “Biggest Divorce Party Ever,” in celebration of their previously wished ineviatable demise. The party is will be renamed the “Thank Goodness I Don’t Have A Newborn Baby,” party. See, I’d wish all the ill will and hate towards ol’ earthworm lips (Jessica), but the simple fact is, she’s going to have a tiny newborn wreaking havoc on everything in her near-future. The writing’s already all over the infant diarrhea splattered wall: GOOD LUCK SLEEPING FOR THE BETTER PART OF A YEAR!
This will also be the last time (for the foreseeable future) that I’ll post a photo of the TRUE MRS. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AKA JUSTNEY!
Congrats JT, you’ll be a swell DAD and will no doubt look good rocking the knee socks and Huey Lewis tunes.
The good news? I have my FIRST compliment for Oatmeal Biel!!!
Mrs. Timberlake, congratulations on ALREADY perfecting the “Mom of a 2 week old” look!!!
Until next time, my dearest fellow JT admirers, I remain your humble and faithful founder.
Onward and upward!