Yesterday I read some devastating news that is pretty much confirmation that the dream of the 1990’s is dead. Delia’s or dELiA*s to it’s customers and fans, is filing for bankruptcy. For everyone with a modicum of testosterone flowing in their veins, allow me to explain:
Back in the dark ages, before the internets were really a thing, if teenage girls wanted “cutting edge” fashion, they were relegated to the mall. In 1993, the world changed for trendy tweens and teens alike, dELiA*s started putting out catalogues filled with their overpriced and fashionable wares. The dELiA*s empire grew to include stores, spin-off brand Alloy, and piles of cash for the company.
Because these kids today don’t have a clue about where it’s at, and the world is going to Hell in a handbasket purse, the company is about to go the way of Seven Mary Three, Matchbox 20, and Eve Six, by filing ’11.
You’d think something so 90’s like dELiA*s would be booming in business right now, seeing as everything 1990’s is in again. Just the other day, I passed a Wet Seal (!!!!) and saw a mannequin wearing overall shorts, if that tacky sh*t and bodysuits are back to being a thing, then there’s no good damn reason for this 1990’s fashion icon to go under.
Someone get LISA FRANK on the phone, that b*tch is crazy and has Duck Tales-style piles of cash, LISA CAN BUY dELiA*s and SAVE THEM!!!
While we wait for the queen of rainbows to swoop in on her golden Pegasus, we’ll just have to remember the good times. The following are actual photos from old 90’s dELiA*s catalogues, I’ve specifically chosen each for a reason.
First up, we have the classic dELiA*s scroll-down. Outfit looks adorable, and then you scroll down to see her shoes. Won’t somebody please step on those green suede shoes?
Here’s another example of the ol’ Delia’s scroll-down in action, perfectly acceptable until you get to those shoes. WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT. Why did we all own multiple pairs of these awful sandal/flip-flop hybrids!? True story: I went to a party a few months ago and ran into a woman I knew in the 90’s…she was still wearing a pair.
Sh*t you not: I wore “M” aka the mood ring to prom. I purchased it specifically to go with my prom dress!
Dear friend and reader, RiRi, the person who passed me my first dELiA*s catalog in theatre, has a picture of herself in the very same checkered dress.
Fun Fact: Delia’s also went on to sell pajama pants made out of the dice dress print, I had two pair.
Everyone in cool Tampax commercials dressed like this:
OMG! I ALMOST FORGOT 90’s CHOLA CHIC- DICKIES AND CHAIN WALLETS(!!!!)
I gave my little sister a Turf Tote filled with Christmas gifts, a few years ago.
Except for “L” and “M” I owned each pair of these shoes in black. I wish I were kidding.
MINI BACK PACK!!!!
I wore this exact outfit to an interview for an RA job in 1998. (Again, my shoes were black.)
This next one is what I like to call a “heartbreaker.”
See, I was distracted by the 90’s perfection of the JEAN OVERALLS, and completely skipped over the fact that there was a SWEATER WITH POOT WRITTEN ON IT!!!!!!!!!
There’s a reason why we all fell in love with lesbians in 1997, their fashion options were simply adorable!
I just want to take this moment to weep for the past when these were considered “racy and fun.” I’m pretty sure in our post-Sex and The City/Hannah Whoretana world, they’re practically puritanical.
Now that I think about it, I could totally see Taylor Swift being mean to poor people that floral number!
Lisa Frank, AKA PUURRRCILLA, you’re our ONLY HOPE! This institution of 90’s glamour that I didn’t even know was still in business, needs to be bought and SAVED!!! This is the perfect time to launch a retro line and sell all of these pieces and THOUSANDS MORE! Not to mention the perfect Lisa Frank/ Delia’s collaboration merchandise and lines!!
On a side note: because I was genuinely shocked to find out they were still in business, I went ahead and checked up the current Delia’s website. Where earth and jewel toned nineties fashion plates once flourished, in their place I found nothing but terrible terrible clothes.
Exhibit A: These stone-washed abortions that are so tight, I can see what the model had for breakfast:
And B: This trashy Princess Ariel coked-up from snorting crushed sea shells f*ckery:
I’ve never been one to say “they deserved to croak,” but in the case of our former proud, plucky, and eclectic little sister Delia, perhaps it’s for the best. RIP Delia’s, you made millions of Homecoming dates roll their eyes, and incited countless arguments with parents over Am-Ex spending limits, but most importantly, you filled our need for quirky and adorable well before Zooey Deschanel was ready to ascend the throne.