SMUGGLIN’ PLUMS: Euro Mankini Makes The Speedo Look Demure

We’re in the midst of BEACH SEASON, y’all! Knockouts in swimsuits abound. Be it in a one or two piece, string bikini or hot pants, Summer treats the eyes to plenty of glamorous gals in barely there beachwear.

But what about the menfolk? Sadly, the pickens is slim.

Zzzzz...Bring a book.

Zzzzz…Bring a book.

Why are male sexy swim options limited to speedos and sleazy string pouches? Let’s face it, ladies and fancy lads deserve a little eye-candy too.

Thankfully, there’s a new beauty straight from France designed to get dudes all of the attention when they hit the sandy slut-strut.

It’s a male thong that cradles the crotch while being slung over one hip, and delights the world with its body-baring beauty. 

Say hello to the STRING LATÉRAL FLASH!!! 


Let me see that thong!

Hey Gurl, Haaaaaaaaaaaay!


You can buy them here.

While the name STRING LATÉRAL FLASH, sounds fancy, it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. From here on out, let’s refer to it as the Dong Thong. 

Dong Thong has been flopping around Europe since last summer, so the US needs to catch up.

Let me see that thong!

Let me see that thong!


I say we start dropping care packages full of these sausage stuffers all over American beaches!USA!USA!USA!

YOU KNOW what the roll-out theme song HAS to be:


(Thanks, Amanda!) 





SMUGGLIN’ PLUMS: Euro Mankini Makes The Speedo Look Demure — 2 Comments

  1. I was so confused until I clicked on the link and saw the back of it. I did it for research purposes only! (And then I realized I am at work…so glad no one walked in on that one!)Loving the one with the tramp stamp!

  2. Note that the models and ho-strollers pictured are all fairly thin/muscular and um… Waxed.

    In my experience, which we will use as a big ol’ slice of America, these are the guys least likely to go for the speedo. Speedos are the sole proprietorship of hairy old dudes, usually with beer bellies. These are your more likely adopters of the dong thong stateside. The company is simply advertising to the wrong demographic for the American market.

    We can help them fix it though, to get the dong thong here. I feel a photo shoot coming on–dong thongs and hairy old dudes for everyone!

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