Several years ago, I created this clap-trap hobo parlor of a website as a way to escape the postpartum doldrums dealing with an Angry Baby. Eventually, my kid calmed the Hell down, and grouchymuffin began to delve into other topics that intrigued yours truly: Vanilla Ice worship, hating on Guy Fieri, and most importantly, re-discovering the Megalodon, my animal kingdom soul mate.
In the years since, my humble little blog has become the internet’s #1 destination for Megalodon Believers.
The Megalodon, AKA the Lord of the Deep, was (is) a prehistoric apex predator that stalked our ancient oceans. Clocking in at the size of a school bus, imagine a Great White shark only exponentially larger.
Dumb dummy science says that Megalodon went extinct millions of years ago, but ask that old slut the Coelacanth how much science knows about things going extinct.
Truthfully, Science knows more about outer space than they do about our oceans. The pressure and depth of Earth’s waters make them incredibly difficult to explore. How can we claim something is no longer living and viable when we have only scratched the surface of its habitat!?
While science is vastly behind on my beloved Megalodon, I’ve been on the hunt for the majestic Meg since I was seven. Megalodon is out there, y’all, and we’re going to prove it during my lifetime.
Today there are countries all over the world that claim a COLOSSAL KILLER SHARK terrorizes their waters.
Africa has “the Submarine,” a shark so large, it resembles a massive sub.
Mexico has “the Black Demon,” a huge shark that terrifies the local coastal communities.
Australia’s Port Stephens has the most reputable account of a Megalodon sighting from way back in 1918. Famous Australian Naturalist, David Stead wrote:
In the year 1918 I recorded the sensation that had been caused among the “outside” crayfish men at Port Stephens, when, for several days, they refused to go to sea to their regular fishing grounds in the vicinity of Broughton Island. The men had been at work on the fishing grounds–which lie in deep water–when an immense shark of almost unbelievable proportions put in an appearance, lifting pot after pot containing many crayfish, and taking, as the men said, “pots, mooring lines and all”. These crayfish pots, it should be mentioned, were about 3 feet 6 inches [1.06 m] in diameter and frequently contained from two to three dozen good-sized crayfish each weighing several pounds. The men were all unanimous that this shark was something the like of which they had never dreamed of. In company with the local Fisheries Inspector I questioned many of the men very closely and they all agreed as to the gigantic stature of the beast. But the lengths they gave were, on the whole, absurd. I mention them, however, as an indication of the state of mind which this unusual giant had thrown them into. And bear in mind that these were men who were used to the sea and all sorts of weather, and all sorts of sharks as well. One of the crew said the shark was “three hundred feet [90 m] long at least”! Others said it was as long as the wharf on which we stood–about 115 feet [35 m]! They affirmed that the water “boiled” over a large space when the fish swam past. They were all familiar with whales, which they had often seen passing at sea, but this was a vast shark. They had seen its terrible head which was “at least as long as the roof on the wharf shed at Nelson’s Bay.” Impossible, of course! But these were prosaic and rather stolid men, not given to ‘fish stories’ nor even to talking about their catches. Further, they knew that the person they were talking to (myself) had heard all the fish stories years before! One of the things that impressed me was that they all agreed as to the ghostly whitish color of the vast fish. The local Fisheries Inspector of the time, Mr Paton, agreed with me that it must have been something really gigantic to put these experienced men into such a state of fear and panic.
And now, Australia has given us more Meg cause for concern, this time from an Australian documentary that followed the country’s first attempt at tagging Great White Sharks.
If your office has YouTube on lockdown, or you’re too lazy to watch the fascinating clip, let me summarize the knowledge it dropped:
A young Great White was tagged and almost immediately eaten by something larger. Researchers know this, because the tracking device washed up on shore 2 miles from where they originally placed it on the shark. Once they extrapolated information from the device, the scientists found that the young shark maintained its temperature and then suddenly the temp spiked and the tracker plummeted to the depths. The spike in temperature can only be explained as occurring because the tagged shark was in the belly of a giant beast. A giant beast off the Australian coast that lurks in the deepest waters; why, whatever could have eaten this Great White!?
It’s a Megalodon, DUH.
Sadly, these fools on the doc crew claim it’s a larger cannibalistic Great White, what a load of malarkey. Meg exists and this “mysterious” shark death is all the more proof. You can watch the documentary in its entirety on 6/25 when the Smithsonian channel airs, “Hunt for the Super Predator.”
But forget about those crunchy scientists sun-bleached and exhausted from too many hours out on the water, I will prove Megalodon exists. How? Easy.
Once Angry Baby reaches an age where she can properly hold a clip board and read sonar screens, I’ll be chartering a private cruise into the Sea of Cortez, where very ACTIVE Megalodon, THE BLACK DEMON, rages through its waters. Of course, I’ve been telling the internet this for a few years, and I’m proud to say that I’ve already got several fans and readers requesting passage on my historic future fact-finding mission.
Until then, I implore my fellow Megalovers to keep believing, we’ll find it.
Don’t believe that Megalodon is out there? That’s fine. Matter of fact, here’s a Great White gif that explains my feelings for Meg deniers.