We Tried It: Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza

Lover Fo’ Life is home from his business trip abroad and is safely back in the states. While away, he informed me that Dominos Scotland had a knock-off of Pizza Hut’s infamous Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza. The very one I raged against in this previously published post. 

Upon learning this, I assigned L4L with the task of procuring one, trying it, and writing a full review. As with every quest lain at his feet, L4L obliged and knocked it out of the park. Not only did he write his thoughts down, he also smuggled back half of the specialty pie so that I could taste it for myself. More on that later. 

First, let us enjoy my dearest’s recount of his pizza adventure.

Review #1 By L4L:

As loyal readers are aware, one of the things stuck in the craw of my darling wife is the fact that other countries often get the novelty pizzas she sees as Americas sole birthright. Chief among these pizza abominations is the “hot dog stuffed crust pizza”.  My work gives me the occasion to travel and for the last two weeks I’ve been in the UK.  The first leg of my journey was in London but the second half has been in Aberdeen Scotland.  The hotel I’m staying in is perfectly suited both being walking distance to the office and close to the airport.  Aberdeen is nice enough but there aren’t a ton of touristy things to see here.  I did take some great pictures of a centuries old cemetery and castle ruins, but this post is about pizza…not the history of Scotland.

On my first day here I was walking to the office and spotted this small sign touting the Dominos hotdog stuffed pie.  At once an order and plot was hatched to procure one.  Unfortunately, I’m not traveling to get into wacky hijinks for Cribsy, and work got in the way.  On my last day in bonny Scotland, I knew it was now or nothing. With some help from the office staff, this nightmare dream has been made a reality. And it only cost me a couple of bags of peanut butter M&M’s from the good ol’ USA.  Seems we all have things we want that we can’t get often.

Here are some photos of the pizza as it arrived.

From Scotland, with love.

From Scotland, with love.

You’ll note for starters that this is a Domino’s pizza.  This means it’s not exactly great under the best of circumstances.  Try as they might, I see Dominos as the lovable loser of the pizza industry.  There’s always one “knockin’ about” as they say here but it’s usually a case of last resort on its best day.

2014-05-30 06.38.08

So now for the deets.  First of all, they are indeed hot dogs.  I didn’t know what to expect, one long continuous meat tube encircling the entire pizza or if they were regular hot dogs or perhaps lil’smoky size.

Ummm...

Ummm…

They are basically regular hot dog size…but smaller in diameter than I am used to.  Think the weenies in a can of beanie weenies.  If you aren’t familiar with beanie weenies…why are you on this website?  Anyway, I opted for the plain hot dog but there was an option with mustard baked right in the crust with it.  I try to be “up for it” but I have my limits.

So how does it taste?  Its ok.  Not as bad as I would have imagined.  I tried it just the crust, and also with regular pizza and sauce and while I probably wouldn’t order it again, I didn’t choke and die.  I lived to tell the tale.  The hotdog is relatively soft and doesn’t give a lot of resistance in the crust and you get that salty hotdoggy taste which doesn’t at all clash with the salty pizza sauce.  Definitely broke stoner food.

Dominos employee smoking out of a pizza bong.

Dominos employee smoking out of a pizza bong.

I give it a “Meh” rating.  But you don’t have to take my word for it.  Nope, I boxed some of this up and put it in my luggage to take back to Cribsy.  I mean, after all this is HER beef with the pizza industry, not mine. Thankfully, customs didn’t go through my luggage and publicly shame me for trying to “import” this into the US. The things we do for love!

– Lover Fo’ Life

And now, your beloved Crib Keeper’s review:

After a few days of avoiding the contraband pizza, hand delivered by my pizza mule, I finally went to the refrigerator this morning and took out a coupla slices. I only did this for YOU, my precious readers.

After 45 seconds in the microwave, I was treated to the taste of your standard Dominos pizza, though I will say that the cheese and sauce quotient was much lower than one would find in the US of A. The pizza wasn’t dry, but it also wasn’t soggy after days in my fridge, which says a lot.

After a few minutes of eating garden variety gross Dominos, the moment of truth arrived, time for the hot dog crust. Before I go into graphic detail, let me just thank Pizza Hut America, and Dominos USA, for sparing our great nation these culinary abortions. For years, I’ve railed against Pizza Hut for coming up with crazy assed pizzas and leaving us in the lurch. Today, while sampling the hot dog stuffed crust, I’ve never been more grateful for our homeland being spared.

The hot dog in the crust is unnaturally soft. Imagine a custard made from pig scraps, and you’d be close to this mushy mess. Because soft hot dogs aren’t gross enough, they went ahead and dumped a bunch of liquid smoke into the extruded mystery meat. I lasted for 2 bites, one of which ended in dry heaves.

Sproingy as a gym mat, and reeking of smokey flavoring,Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza is truly one of the GROSSEST things I’ve ever put in my mouth (and I frequent the docks during Fleet Week!)

Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Be careful of what you wish for in life. One day, after years of complaining and whining, you just may have your dreams come true. Dreams that make you nearly vomit and cause you to question a life-long love of wacky foods and pizza. Like that sassy old Queen Langston Hughes never said: “Some dreams are better left deferred.”

In closing, I’m done with the novelty pizza lust and envy.

I'm donezo.

Donezo.

The creamy and forgiving consistency of smokey tube meat is something that will haunt me forever. I’ve been scared straight. Strictly plain & normal stuffed crust pizza for me from here on out.

Your Pal,

Cribsy

(Thanks, MT!) 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments

We Tried It: Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza — 2 Comments

  1. I’ll see what I can dig up on the church graveyard. Pics were pretty cool. I also visited the ruins of Dunnottar Castle. WELL WORTH the visit, pictures dont do it justice.

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