Stoned Age: Alabama Cave Man Gets Busted For Drugs

29-year-old Alabama resident, Christopher Woods, was busted earlier this month for trying to sneak drugs into the Hang Out Music Festival in Gulf Shores, AL. Normally, this would not be a big deal, as rock festivals are a pit of debauchery, teeming with hooligans, overpriced potato chips, and illicit substances.

RAWR!

RAWR!

 

Unlike most people busted at a concert, Christopher also happened to be wearing a glorious fur vest. His beautiful attire made for a monolithic mug shot that will be studied for eons to come. Did I mention that he was trying to see Queens of The Stone Age? Because he was, and that makes it all the more hilarious.

You’ve got to admire his ability to embrace change. On one hand, he’s keeping it prehistoric by smoking the all-natural herb, yet he’s also Cro-magnon man enough to embrace modern drugs like MDNA. If only that hairy a**hole Captain Caveman were as open to embracing change. Sigh. 

Refuses to manscape.

This smelly whore refuses to manscape.

 

Mr. Woods is giving me woods, he straight up clubbed sexy over the head and dragged it back to his cave. Ladies and Fancy Lads, look no further for a perfect man. He’s a literal fan of Queens of the Stone Age, struts around in a fur vest and has weed. The truth is, I want to stop showering and swap musks with this bear on a bear skin rug. Sorry Brendan Fraser, there’s a new sexiest Caveman alive.

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PS: Anyone else think Alabama Caveman looks like Samwell from Game of Thrones?

True love.

Best Girlfriends forever.

 

 


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