America’s Top Google Searches By State (The Jokes Write Themselves)

Ah America!

If we’re not watching cat videos on YouTube or “researching” cake farts, chances are most Americans use Google search as their internet spirit guide.

The good folks at Estately decided to break down the top Google searches for each state and the results are quite elucidating.



Way to go to trashy freaks! Here are just a few of the highlights:

  • They’re “Sniffing Glue,” in New York.
  • Telling “Racist Jokes,” in Illinois
  • Hawaii is all about the Cock, “Cock Fighting,” that is.
  • Oregon is really into “Unicorn Tattoos.” (Who isn’t!?)


  • Montana AKA Methtana, is Googlin’ “METH.”
  • South Dakota has a boner for “Nickelback.”
  • Forever stuck in 1987, Nebraska is keeping it sassy and slim with “JAZZERCISE!”
Jazz yer thighs!

Jazz yer thighs!


  • Pennsylvania is all about “Back Shaving.”
  • North Carolina hasn’t forgotten, “White Snake.”
  • Maryland is a sucker for good looks and chest hair, that’s why “David Hasselhoff,” is tops.

Thanks, internets!


  • Georgia wants to keep those peaches firm with “Butt Implants.”
  • Kansas is searching “Hoof and Mouth Disease,” which is a vast improvement over next door neighbor, Missouri’s “Family Circus.”

If I wanted a bunch of sanctimonious cartoon characters to lecture me about life and morality, I’d hate-watch Veggie Tales.

You've gotta be kidding.

No thanks.


Of all the states, Louisiana is the only one with the right idea: “Golden Girls,” should be the ONLY thing we Google.

Golden Girls Cookies

And finally, thanks to “Do I Have Herpes?” Texas is apparently teeming with crotch critters.

Of course, seeing as my corner down at the docks is pretty much a CDC recognized STD petri dish, I could have answered all of my fellow Texans Google inquires with: “Yes, you do have herpes and no, we don’t want to lick your cold sores.” 




America’s Top Google Searches By State (The Jokes Write Themselves) — 1 Comment

  1. “Jazzercise” this pretty much sums up what’s wrong with Nebraska. As for Texas, who HASN’T Googled “Do I have herpes?” at least once?

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