Tour-rible: Carman on the road
Over the course of a year I’ve gone from making fun of contemporary Christian artist Carman to learning he might die of terminal cancer to basically asserting that he’s faking his illness for relevancy.
It’s not the healthiest of one-way relationships.
I think he’s faking because despite being probably the biggest selling and most popular contemporary Christian artists he alienated so many on the inside and made such a crappy product that he’d basically turned irrelevant.
After his diagnosis with “incurable” cancer, he asked his fans for $200,000 to record a new album (fans pledged more than half a million), recorded said album, planned a tour, predicted himself to be cancer-free and announced being “officially” cancer free. All in a year.
I’m not alone. My friend found a thread on a Petra (!) message board (!!) which brought on the same level of skepticism.
Thankfully his “cancer” treatment and recovery has not dampened his faith, his hair, his ravishing good looks and absolute cool-as-a-cucumber demeanor.
Double thankfully the “No Plan B Tour 2014” is about to start! Yes, friends, you can see Carman live at a church sanctuary near you!
Go here to find out where you can catch our favorite fake cancer patient who bilked his fans out of $500,000: .
So far, there are just 15 dates starting May 29 covering such bustling metropolises as Plant City, Florida, Allegan, Michigan, Fort Wayne, Indiana, and McKinney, Texas.
OK, so Carman’s not the hottest ticket in town. Sometimes you’ve got to know your audience and go where they are. Jesus wasn’t supping with the Pharisees! He was slumming with the ladies of the night, gentiles and lepers! All three you’ll find in Plant City, Florida, no doubt.
What’s worse is that despite the less-than-attractive city dates are the venues. Largely, he’s playing churches. You know who else plays churches in Plant City, Florida and Fort Wayne, Indiana? Reggie, Steve, Mike and Doug every Sunday morning during praise and worship just after the morning announcements, but before Children’s Church.
However, Carman’s making his cut. Tickets are $18 for general admission (seems odd considering it’s at a church). For the “Gold Circle” (the site doesn’t differentiate “Gold Circle” so I assume it means you’re close to the stage), it costs a mere $25. The VIP package, however, is what you’ll want which includes a copy of No Plan B and a meet-and-greet with Carman himself! I would probably just go up to him with a receipt for funding his album and demand a free copy.
I thought about seeing Carman. McKinney, Texas is north of Dallas. Although I don’t really want to pay $18. I probably would if I had the guts to ask him how he felt about being a terrible human and faking a cancer prognosis for the sake of his career. But I don’t.
But you don’t have to take my word for it. See Carman yourself and ask him how he feels about being a rat fink or perhaps request “Satan Bite The Dust.” He would love that.