Post By Mad Dad: Bird is the Word

Bird is the Word

I love birds. If I had to pick a really nerdy hobby, I think I would go with bird watching. I like little birds. I like colorful birds. I like birds of prey. I don’t understand why we’re not more blown away with an animal that can naturally fly.

I like keeping birds close to the house not only for aesthetic purposes, but because birds eat bugs. All the sprays and insecticides can’t do what a bug’s natural predator can. Not saying that birds eliminate all bugs, but they hold them in check.

So when birds decided to nest in the nooks of our fence at the house I didn’t disturb them. When they nested in our chimney (fire hazard be damned!) I let them. And when some rascally sparrows migrated north to roost on our front porch, I let them be. For the price of ducking some kamikaze swoops at our heads and washing out the white stains of their poop, I got a natural and beautiful bug killer.

Now, though, we are moving (more on that later) and unfortunately house hunters don’t all see birds as our feathered allies quite like me. People want to see houses as something barely lived in by humans. Same for the birds.

Before our sparrows returned from Cabo, the Yucatan or wherever they go for the winter, I had to wash out their nest of mud, straw and string. Mostly I wanted to do it early before there were eggs so as not to be a perpetrator of sparrow euthanasia.

A week later they were back with the start of another nest. I washed it out whilst avoiding the angry swipes at my head. This was eminent domain with a water hose.

The sparrows, it should be known, do not take hints well. Or they are very stupid because the next week they were back in force and before I could knock out the start of the new nest, it was pretty complete. The sparrows had to go, but I was terrified as the mud and grass fell that I would hear the deafening crack of four eggs.

Fortunately it was still too early for my love birds. Instead, I just destroyed their abode for a third straight time. Good, strong Texas conservatives love to preach about the sanctity of private property. But that maxim is certainly not for the birds. This is a good ol’ fashioned land grab. Big government moving in and instilling their will upon the helpless.

The sparrows are strong. I see them flittering up in my porch still. I assume that the momma bird is ready to pop out those eggs, so I hope they find some alternative housing. I hear there is some federally-subsidized nests on the other side of town. But it’s overrun by grackles. The unsavories.

What a bird brain.

What a bird brain.


Godspeed, sweet sparrow, godspeed.

-Mad Dad

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