In the wise words of Lover Fo’ Life, my personal sage and soothsayer,
“cracked.com is a black hole.”
And you know what? He’s right.
Glancing over just one post on the site easily leads to hours of time-zapping. More often than I’d like to admit, I’ve visited cracked to kill 90 seconds on the crapper, only to look up 10 minutes later with freezing buns and the realization that my legs have fallen asleep.
During one of those enchanting moments this past weekend, I came across some incredibly honest products in a Cracked reader submitted photo gallery titled: If Product Names Were Forced To Be Truthful.
Total there are 40 different items, most are pretty clever, but it’s Monday and most of us don’t have time to click-through all that nonsense. Because I’m a generous giver who lives to give, I’ve taken my 20 favorite items and decided to share them with YOU!
First up is the funny because it’s true, Hungry Hungry Hippos. Fun Fact: This game was designed to torture parents.
How about some No-hour Energy…er, I mean 5 Hour Energy:
Next up is everyone’s favorite moustache-mascotted snack chip, Pringles:
Airbourne, When more water is all you need:
Ramen, The official food of College:
I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve experienced this one first hand:
Magnum condom buyers, you’re not fooling anyone!
F*ck You, Hoo:
PLAY-DOH IS THE WORST.
Here’s a guaranteed sure-fire way to excoriate the inside of your mouth, Grape-Nuts:
Next, a HIGHlarious take on Febreze, (which also does wonders for removing sweaty sailor cologne after a night at the docks):
Fruit Stripe Gum = Childhood’s first great swindle.
And Finally, my favorite of the entire lot: