A man from (you guessed it) Florida, decided to conquer his fear of spiders by getting a massive arachnid tattooed on the cheek of HIS FACE. Get a load of 24-year old Eric Ortiz’s new ink…
Here’s Eric’s explanation for his poor life choice:
“Everybody fears spiders,” he said. “That’s why I got it. Just to, like, make me know, that that’s what I fear, but not to fear it. You know what I’m saying?”
“Everybody looks at it like, ‘Damn spider’ ’cause if you’re going around your house, you know what I’m saying, you see those spiders, you’re going to jump, you’re going to jump, so putting one on my face. I say you know what I’m going to see what people think.”
Talk about conquering your fears HEAD ON, and such sage wisdom! Clearly, you can tell by his completely sane and coherent explanation, that Eric is psychologically lapping us all.
FREE couch tip from Cribsy, Unlicensed Psychologist: Want to banish your arachnophobia without wearing it on your face forever? Just watch the 1990 “thrill-omedy,” Arachnophobia, fat Ghostbuster John Goodman kills it, quite literally.
You know Florida, I’m gonna need you to sit the Hell down. The world is trying to not stay mad at you, but you’re making it nearly impossible. Keep these stupid shenanigans up, and all good will towards your swampy state will be reduced to nothing but an amalgamation of stripper glitter, meth lab waste products, and unused go-kart track tokens.
Awww, I’m sorry if you’re from Florida and that last bit gave you the sads. Just know this: I’m from Texas, and even WE think your state is batsh*t crazy. AND WE’RE TEXAS FOR CRIPES SAKE.