Remember when we were kids and Valentine’s Day meant a party in our classroom where we were obligated to give every last kid in class (even the smelly ones) a punched out piece of cardboard with punny sentiments and cruddy graphics? Sigh, those were the days.
Well, thanks to some hilarious hookers on the internet, the cards are back and better than ever. Behold! The ONLY thing you’ll have to give this VD to get VD!
For starters, it’s a heartfelt KANYE card:
Only Winners have this amount of Game:
Ain’t nobody got time to hate on this Valentine:
The best way to thank them for being a friend? Why a lovely Rose, of course!
Speaking of silver foxes from 1987, here’s this timely and completely current joke:
Try this high brow Valentine for all the pretentious f*cks you deal with:
How about an effeminate crustacean making a play for your clam, instead?
Can’t have hearts day without the hardest working man in showbiz, Nicolas Cage (My dad is so getting this one.)
Harry Potter getting the soul sucking embrace of Azkaban’s finest? COUNT ME IN!
This next card reminds us that George Washington was a total slut. Seriously, that’s why they named him the “father of our country,” ho couldn’t keep his Valley Forged, if you catch my drift.
The Arrested Development GOB Valentine is pure MAGIC:
Give them this Dr. Tobias Funke card, and you won’t have to blue yourself:
Adorable Breaking Bad Designs will steal your heart:
You can’t have Breaking Bad Valentines without the thinks of Jesse Pinks:
For all my fellow Adventure Time fans, it’s LEMONGRAB!
Up next, some of you will get ‘dat joke, others will klingon for an explanation:
Finally, my PERSONAL FAVORITE! Full Disclosure: I’m stealing this saying and putting it on my business card…