Bike Accident Leaves Man With a 7-Week Stiffy

A 22-year-old man from Ireland got more than he bargained for on a routine bike ride, he had an accident. Makes sense, because there’s always a risk of collision in any moving vehicular situation.

Ooof!

Ooof!

However, the side effect of his little accident created a BIG SALUTE TO BICYCLE SAFETY, the young man was left with a 7 week erection. His “kickstand” remained in the “down position” for 5 weeks before he finally decided it was time to seek medical help. Here’s an except from the Irish Medical Journal that documented this hard case.

A 22-year-old male presented with a five week history of ongoing priapism after he had sustained a blow to perineum when he fell on to the crossbar of his mountain bike. Perineal pain, swelling and bruising had settled within days but he had ongoing priapism with rigid erection. Examination revealed no signs of injury but the penis was erect.

Ah, so he bruised his taint, and that’s what caused the endless hard-on. Well, not to worry, once he made it to the hospital, they first tried “manual compression,” on the turgid member. Surprisingly, it worked instantly. Sadly, after a few flaccid minutes his wang went back to reaching for the stars. Doctors then tried a 2-week “pressure dressing,” that did not work either. In the end, they had to put the telephone pole away through surgical intervention that involved diverting the blood flow. The man is now recovered, and grateful to be 22 with a working weenie once again.

Listen, I’ve heard of people having a “hard-on for biking,” but this is ridiculous. I mean, hate to be an insensitive jerk (no I don’t) but, hasn’t this man ever heard of bike shorts?

Safe as kittens.

Safe as kittens.

 

When they invented those sausage casings, this is precisely what they were trying to prevent. That being said, I’m sure this guy is glad he took a crossbar shot to the chode rather than the alternative, a bike seat up his “Lance Armstrong” (butthole.)

But seriously, A SEVEN WEEK WOODY!? I sincerely hope he put it to good use. Why, just think of ALL the wonderful things he could have done with his month and a half unexpected Tour de Pants!

Things like:

  • Volunteering as a tour guide pointing out all of Ireland’s beautiful landmarks (with his crotch.)
  • Becoming a living towel holder.
  • Heckling the Cialis commercial disclaimer dude (“If your erection lasts more that 4 hours!? HA!”)

And of course…

  • Making his family VERY uncomfortable.

Men, let this be a lesson to you all, if you ever have an injury to your dingle-dangles that causes a perma-boner, make sure you go to the doctor before it’s been WEEKS. Better yet, come on down to the docks and find me under a pile of sailors, I’m pretty sure my developed forearms and experienced grip on life will be able to get you sorted out in no time, I CAN HELP!

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