Gimmie Gimmie, I NEED: That 70’s House

San Antonio, Texas is a town famous for many things including a little something called THE ALAMO.

Remember the Alamo (has no basement.)

Remember the Alamo (has no basement.)


But other than being home to the place where Davy Crockett hung up his Racoon-Skin hat for good (he died during the Battle of the Alamo, y’all) San Antonio is the location of a TIME MACHINE! A time machine you can purchase for a mere $335,000!

For your spending consideration, I present this gorgeous 1972 built house that the original owners put on the market last week. In the near 42 years they’ve had the home, they kept it in pristine, untouched perfection. But, as that sleazy slut LeVar Burton famously said: YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT! Have a look at the righteous party pad for yourself!

Curb Appeal? This place has it. Metaphorically speaking, the house is as appealing as a young Burt Reynolds on a bearskin rug.




Walk through that front door, and forget the crazy make ’em up nutjobs of today with their Googles and newfangled nonsense, YOU’RE LIVING ON 70’s MELLOW TIME, NOW!


Just look at this living room! You’ll be the envy of the block when you’re able to host full-on Hustle Dance-offs in this SPACIOUS great room!


And what about that bricked feature wall!? GLORIOUS!


Just one look at this luxurious formal den, and your guests will know that like Ron Burgundy, you’re “kind of a big deal!”

Bet it smells of rich mahogany.

Bet it smells of rich mahogany.


Let’s face it, the heart of any home is the kitchen, and this set up is the PERFECT place to cook up some Quiche, fondue, and Harvey Wallbangers!


The Master Suite is a breathtaking sight to behold…


COMPLETE with saloon doors in the master bath!

Howdy, partner!



But don’t worry, at a total of three bedrooms, this magic palace will have plenty of room to accommodate guests at your key parties!


And just look at the built-ins!!!

Fine Craftsmanship!

Fine Craftsmanship!

And let’s not even get started on all the ice-cold Tab Colas you can sip in comfort on this spacious patio!


So, if you want the coolest home in the country, at a FRACTION of what it’s truly worth, truck on down to San Antone, where you can swoop up this BARGAIN! Why just think of the “Disco Dust,” that’s still trapped in the carpeting!?

Herpes is your only worry in this house.

Herpes are your only worry in this house.



Gimmie Gimmie, I NEED: That 70’s House — 8 Comments

  1. I was just telling a friend the other day that I wanted the Brady’s house, specifically their living room and kitchen…and now this? Next I’ll get a badass job offer in San Antonio…Jingle those keys and come on ova! I cringe at the thought of someone buying this place and gutting it.

  2. Speaking of Dreamboat Annie, I am currently reading the autobiography Ann and Nancy have out. It’s called Kicking and Dreaming. It’s very interesting. Did you know that the Van Halen brothers one tried to have an orgy with the Wilson sisters?

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