Being a parent has introduced me to a wealth of things that I had no idea existed before having a kid. At first, it was weird baby gear with names like: Boppy, Bumbo and Nosefrida. FYI: just incase your nightmares aren’t terrifying and vivid enough, a nosefrida is a device that has the parent manually suck snot out of their kid’s nose. I wish I were kidding about this sh*t, but it’s real And thousands swear by them.
Anyhorrifyingkidstuff, as Angry Baby has grown, we’ve moved on to other revelations, like: Hello Kitty. See, I’ve always been a Sanrio fan, but I’ve focused more on Hello Kitty’s friends like, Keroppi and Badtz Maru.
Come to find out, Hello Kitty herself is HUGE in girl world. You name a product, and there’s a 99% chance they sell a Hello Kitty branded version. I know this because AB is completely obsessed with HK. My house is bursting with all things Kitty: lunchboxes, cups, towels, dresses, dolls, backpacks, stickers, and TOOTHBRUSHES. We’ve been sailing on an ocean of HK merchandise for a little over a year now, and all signs point to MORE KITTIES in 2014.
Yes, parenthood is a non-stop vomit train of enlightenment.
The latest revelation is something Lover Fo’ Life and I discovered over the Holiday break. Actually, Valor discovered it and has had it on repeat for a solid month now. “It” comes to us from the YouTubes. Allow me to explain:
Angry Baby has an iPad (she commandeered mine,) and works it like a champ. To watch my kid navigate technology is a strange experience. Part of me is tickled at how well she finds her way around, and another part of me has a chilling sense of unease. See, there’s something about being schooled by a 3-year-old that not only makes one feel O-L-D, but it also adds a twinge of foreboding. In the future, Angry Baby will put L4L and I in an Old Folk’s Home with the flick of her Robotron 3000 phaser, and no doubt pre-pay our funeral costs in spacebucks. When she gets in her techno groove, I often half-joke about “welcoming our future Overlords.”
Lately, AB has enjoyed a specific activity on her iPad, watching YouTube videos. But not just ANY vids, she loves watching a genre called, Play-Doh Demos.
I know what you’re thinking, “Play-Doh demos, da fuq!?”
There’s a whole sub-genre of YouTube demo videos devoted to adults unboxing and meticulously playing with Play-Doh playsets, all while they describe and review the product. Just so you have a frame of reference, here’s a video that Angry Baby has made us watch no less than 250,000 times:
And that’s just one of them, there are THOUSANDS more. All of the videos in this category have hundreds of thousands (if not millions,) of views.Did you notice the clip I posted had 41 MILLION VIEWS!?
Why? Who knows. Maybe Play-Doh demonstration videos are so big because in real life playing with Play-Doh sets are NEVER as satisfying as they look on the box. Perhaps these professional players of doh, and their uncanny skill to replicate the creations (and more) have tapped into a universal longing in childhood play.
Whatever the reason, Angry Baby is hooked. Homegirl loves to watch what are essentially long-assed commercials for toys aimed square at f*cking the finish off of my tables.
Because of all this forced Play-Doh indoctrination at the hands of our tiny despot, Lover fo’ Life decided (was programmed) to purchase her a set of the stuff. On the day of procurement (AKA Play-Doh-Aggedon) they returned from the store armed with a rainbow of mini-playdoh pots AND a treat making set, this very set.
We sat down as a family, and for the first time in 25 years, L4L and I played with the magical Doh. After about 20 minutes, I decided to make a birthday candle with the special mold provided.
Because I’m essentially a 14-year-old boy, I instantly LOL’ed at my “candle” results:
Never one to pass on the chance to run a good joke into the ground, I proceeded to make a rainbow of Play-Dongs.
In closing, these kids today with their gizmos, youtubes, and playthings, amirite!? Oh, and Play-Doh toy designers: Yous some freaks.