Unusual Baby Names List For 2013 (Alternate Title: We’re Doomed)

Each December, the website Baby Center proves that it’s useful for one shining moment when they release their list, “Most Unusual Baby Names of The Year.”

Truthfully, the list should be called, “Names That Champion the Apocalypse.” Nothing gives us a stomach-churning stare into the soulless abyss of humanity’s dark future, than learning of the miserable monikers that parents have cursed their children with.

 The Most Unusual Baby Names of 2013

The Girls:



Perhaps they are really big car people and decided to name their daughter after the Chevy Brand. Sadly, all I can picture is Chevy Chase. When I think of Chevy Chase, only one role comes to mind: CLARK F*CKING GRISWOLD! So congrats parents on naming your kid Clark Griswold.




I’m assuming that the folks are huge John Fogerty fans.




Perhaps Duda is the feminine form of Dude. As in THE Dude. I’m willing to bet a case of Sioux City Sarsaparilla that the Duda’s not going to abide by having that name.




Looks like the crazy cat lady finally got a human male to give her at least 30 seconds of attention. She rewarded this act of generosity by naming their offspring after her true love, p**sy.

crazy cat lady



Makes me think of the cool girl/ prostitot store, Justice For Girls. Coincidentally, when I typed in “Justice For Girls,” I found this ad, which shows every cool girl’s future reaction to meeting a girl named Justus.




I field so sorry for this little girl.



The Boys: 


Cheese is awesome, no one refutes that. But to name your son after it is a cheesy act that even Liz Lemon wouldn’t approve. I’d just wish they had gone for a smoother name. Something easier to digest like, Velveeta.




Someone was hongray when they named their baybeh.

Fun Fact: I Googled these two NAMES OF ACTUAL CHILDREN and this was what I got. Behold! The Cheese Danish.




It doesn’t matter how many X’s you add, everyone is going to assume you named your kid after Dax Sheppard.

World Premiere of "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" - Arrivals



Destruction, mass chaos, devastation? Sounds like a GREAT NAME!

Here comes the story of the Hurricane, the boy whose parents we have to blame. 




My dad is a HUGE fan of the defunct CBS television show. He’s probably the only person who salutes this name choice.




At first, I was like: “Wow, Kodiak Bears are pretty kick-ass! Righteous name, lil’ dude!”


And then, Reality set in. There’s a pretty good chance this was the Kodiak they named the kid after…




Mark my words, Rocket will be the MOST POPULAR BOY at the elementary school. Once he hits puberty however, he’s screwed.




A brand of Cowboy hat, or a brand of drugstore cowboy cologne? Either way, this kid was born with a case of ringworm and probably can drive a 4-wheeler better than the rest of us.







Unusual Baby Names List For 2013 (Alternate Title: We’re Doomed) — 5 Comments

  1. Wrigley isn’t bad.

    Is Chevy pronounced like the car company or like how a Mexican pronounces the car company name?

    In light of the “JAG” reference (by the way, an underappreciated precursor for this “NCIS” tripe)I wanted to name The Kid “Northern Exposure.”

  2. Maybe Cheese and Danish are twins? Then it’d be super sad.

    Side note: I went to school with a guy named Danish. His family was from India and the a makes an Ah sound. Danish is Urdu for intelligent.

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