The Timberlake Appreciation Society Presents: From Justin to Britney

Greetings Timberlake Appreciation Society, the internet’s first organization devoted to proving that Justin Timberlake is worthy of the world’s love. Today I have a bit of a bittersweet post, but trust me, you’ll want to soldier on. Last night while trolling the internet for nonsense, I came across a post on BuzzFeed titled, “These Pictures Of Britney And Justin Together Today Will Blow Your Mind/Make You Weep.”

What followed was a series of photos that have Britney Jean and Justin Randall photoshopped to look like they’re still together. These PIECES OF PHOTOGRAPHIC ART dare to ask the question: What if Justney never broke up?

Remember the magic.

Remember the magic.

My fellow esteemed Justin Timberlake Appreciation Society Members, this post comes with a warning: there’s a 90% chance old wounds will open up after seeing these MAKE-BELIEVE photos.

Trust from experience, your heart is about to go from singing to slaughtered. Be sure to clutch your handkerchiefs at the ready, wouldn’t want to get tears and snot on your lacy cravat.

WHAT IF: Pictures Of Britney And Justin Still Together Today

Here’s the happy couple looking flawless like the whole breakup was merely a nightmare:

WHY BRUSTIN, WHY!?

WHY deny the world this beauty, Justney!?

 

Speaking of nightmares, squint hard and you forget all about Federline:

It's like K-Fed's cornrows and ratty 'stache never sullied our princess.

It’s like K-Fed’s cornrows and ratty ‘stache never sullied our princess.

 

Here’s Justney shopping (Buying Cheetos and at-home hair relaxer):

I bet it's big.

I bet it’s big.

 

 Hanging out just being superstars:

Make peace, y'all!

Make peace, y’all!

 

THINK OF ALL THE  COLLABORATIVE MUSICAL PROJECTS!

COLLABO!

COLLABO!

 

Reconnecting with the Old Crew from High School:

Would it have killed them to crop Kirkpatrick out?

Would it have killed them to crop Kirkpatrick out?

 

Just allow yourself to ponder THIS thought: Who would they be “couple friends,” with today!?

Girlfriends! Please?

Girlfriends? Please!

 

Or what about the all the hilarious family hi-jinx that would surely take place?

Oh to be at that CiCi's Pizza buffet after the game!

Oh to be at that CiCi’s Pizza buffet after the game!

 

It’s guaranteed that they would be dazzling the red carpets:

Future is so bright, she's gotta wear shades.

Future is so bright, she’s gotta wear shades.

 

The Best Part? Oatmeal Biel is stuck in 7th Heaven! In this alternate universe, the hooker never got her MEATY CLAWS INTO HIM:

She's so lucky.

She’s so lucky.

Britney and Justin shared a true and historic love. I’ve said it many times before in the hallowed halls of our lavish and sumptuous Timberlake Appreciation Society headquarters, JUSTNEY WAS OUR CAMELOT!

Sigh.

Sigh.

 

Yes, I’m aware a good percentage of you reading this are weirded out by these photos. They put off a teensy bit of a creep vibe, not Buffalo Bill tucking his junk to “Goodbye Horses,” creepy, but still.  Heck, I’m sure some of you are screaming, “THESE TWO HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY DONEZO SINCE 2002, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT!”

Sorry haters, I will always hold a tiny torch in my tiny heart that one day the turn-of-the-Millennium’s prom king and queen will find their way back to each others arms. If there’s nothing missing in their lives, then why do these tears come at night?

Tears of an angel.

Tears of an angel.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a measuring cup full o’ Brandy and a stack of knock-off Eggo Waffles with my name on it. After I consume both for breakfast, I’m going to stare out the window with Tiffany’s classic ode to fleeting love, “Could Have Been,” as my soundtrack.

 

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