A month ago today HBO’s Liberace bio flick, Behind the Candelabra, premiered. I had been excitedly waiting to see the Michael Douglas and Matt Damon vehicle, ever since the teasers and trailers for it first popped up on the internet.
Of course, I loved every last second of the film. The viewer was treated to a riveting love story between a self-obsessed, oversexed pepaw and his way too young boy toy. Reviews have been great and the movie is getting a theatrical release in several countries around the globe.
As a held captive Lover Fo’ Life and I watched the glittery HBO drama unfold, something happened to me that is still effecting my home life one month later. I became possessed with the spirit of Lee AKA Liberace. Not in a creepy horror flick kind of way…what I mean is, I can’t stop channeling Liberace.
Somewhere before the Movie’s ending credits, I perfected my Liberace voice. Nasal, lilting, and dead on with Michael Douglas’ portrayal of Lee’s distinctive vocals. For you skinflints too cheap to pony up for HBO, here’s a clip. Pay close attention to Michael’s voice, particularly the way he says, “Scott” at the 38 second mark.
That elongated and desperate, “Scahhhht,” has been in my daily vocabulary for weeks now.
Poor Lover fo’ Life, he’s really suffering the brunt of my Liberace impersonation. By proxy, L4L is my Scott Thorson, Liberace’s very own “Blonde Adonis,” boy toy.
According to Thorson’s book, “Behind the Candelabra,” Liberace objectified and always wanted to hump on his much younger lover. Scott claims that Liberace even chose what he wore.
Side Note: One of my favorite parts of the movie (for obvious reasons,) is when Matt Damon (as Scott Thorson,) prances around in not one, but TWO DIFFERENT RHINESTONE STUDDED SPEEDOS = Pure Cinema Magic!
For the sake of authenticity, a large portion of my Lee impression involves man handing L4L like a badger with a steak dinner, all while I creepily hiss, “Oh, Scahhhht.”
But don’t worry, L4L does a pretty good Liberace voice too. Matter of fact, he’s constantly trying to get me back for all the “Oh Scahhhht” grope creeps I’ve given him.
Example: Just yesterday afternoon I randomly texted L4L, “I wish we were doing it rite now.”
To which he quickly wrote back, “Me too, Scotttt.”
Truthfully, I’m not that much different from Liberace. I’m ostentatious, attracted to shiny objects and a horny old slut. Though unlike Liberace, who insisted on making his young teen lover go under the knife to look more like himself, I’m smarter than that. See, my face is too beautiful to be replicated facially by some tweaker plastic surgeon, a beauty like mine is thanks to the genetic lottery.
Yes, my narcissism is near psychotic and I love to wear Caftans, so it’s pretty clear Liberace and I are sisters from different misters.
That’s why I’m seriously considering (not really Mom) cashing out the 401k and buying Liberace’s Las Vegas Mansion. That’s right, the very place where Lee spent a large portion of his time during the last years of his life, is now for up for sale!!
Originally sold by the Liberace foundation in 1989, the property has had only two owners since the pianist’s death. The first couple who purchased the estate from Liberace’s foundation sold it in 2006 for 3.7 million. Unfortunately, the Las Vegas real estate boom went bust, and the people who purchased it in ’06 were foreclosed upon. Now, anyone with 529K in cash can buy it.
While the inside house mostly looks like a gutted 1990’s JC Penney’s…
There are still touches of Lee all around…like, an overly ornate staircase that has no damn business being there:
Here’s the Sign over his private solarium (and or sex dungeon):
Don’t you think the in-sunroom chandelier and pearlized glass tile make it classy?
Next is Liberace’s famous master bathroom, complete with fountain:
The Hall of Mirrors:
Everyone needs a mirrored custom bar emblazoned with Liberace’s signature in etched glass:
What in the travertine hell did those piano keys do to get so grimy looking!?
And finally, a guest bathroom complete with a fine Italian painted ceiling over the chandeliered tub:
At $529,000 cash, this house is a steal! All that history, and thanks to HBO’s devoted set designers, you’ll even have a blueprint to help restore the home to its former glittery glory. I’m telling you, someone needs to swoop Casa de Fancy up, fully return the home to Liberace’s vision, and live out their days in the desert, awash in sequins, diamonds, gold nugget rings, and playthings in rhinestone speedos.
Thanks, Scahhhht! (MT)