Welp, another GOLD STAR goes to Florida, once again they’ve managed to terrify and entertain the world just by being themselves.
Anyone who’s ever spent more than 5 minutes in America’s swamp knows that Florida is essentially a humid Hell straight from the Primordial ooze of beginning times. As with many jungle environments, creatures flourish in the damp and decay.
Enter Jonathan Simkins, a Floridian Entomologist and expert in pest insect removal. Jonathan was hired to remove a large wasp nest on a client’s stretch of private hunting land. When he arrived, this is what he found, a SIX by EIGHT FOOT LIVE YELLOW JACKET NEST.
Just to give you an idea, a typical wasp nest can have up to 5,000 wasps, this one had more than a MILLION STINGING A-HOLE WASPS.
According to Simkins, the Southern Yellow Jacket develops multiple queens, so the colonies have the capability to be outrageously large due to all those queens. Truth be told, this is pretty much the first time I’ve come across something that wasn’t made infinitely better by a large group of queens.
Because he has a pair of titanium balls on him, Jonathan suited up and decided to SHOOT FOOTAGE OF THE NIGHTMARE JOB. Because you’re a bunch of ghouls just like I am, here’s his footage.
For those of you too squeamish to watch (and those who are on internet lockdown) I’ll break down the video for you real easy-like:
Man stumbles upon a pre-historic sized live nest of yellow demons, is instantly swarmed and even his camera is attacked. While Mr. Simkins won’t divulge his trade secrets of dealing with the nest, he returned afterwards to show that the nest is now as dead as his home state’s dignity.
Let’s give Mr. Jonathan Simkins a slow-clap, because though thousands and thousands of yellow jackets tried to murder him, all he got was one measly sting on his heroic chin.
Bath Salts, Wal-Mart Meth Factories, Oppressive Humidity and now GIANT Yellow Jacket Nests….Florida, the state that just keeps giving us reasons to visit the other 49 instead.