Universal Orlando To Open a Simpsons Land This Summer (Suck it Harry Potter!)

If you’ve never experienced the brutal death march that is Orlando Florida in the summer. You’re missing out on lots of sweat, humidity and bickering with your loved ones. A little while back, I visited Walt Disney World in August and after years of frequenting the park in the summer, I vowed never to return during June-September.

I melt with you.

I melt with you.

Sure, any other time I’m more than game to visit the tourist trapped swamp of unlimited souvenirs, but Florida’s hottest months of the year can get bent.

Then Universal Orlando decided to make me eat my words (quite literally.)



Universal announced they will be completing a special Simpsons themed land that is opening THIS summer. It’s called, what else but, SPRINGFIELD! The new addition is built around the current Simpsons ride that has been entertaining guests since 2008, Springfield will also include a new ride, the Kang and Kodos Twirl N’ Hurl!


But the real excitement comes from the fact that Springfield will boast many Simpsons themed eateries and shops. Coming this summer you’ll be able to enjoy things like, Duff Beer on tap at Moes!

Here's hoping they also serve the FLAMING MOE!

Here’s hoping they also serve the FLAMING MOE!

Donuts from the Lard Lad!





Krusty Burgers!

Now with 100% less rat meat!

Now with 100% less rat meat!

Cletus the slack-jawed yokel’s famous fried chicken!

We's call it fricassee.

We’s fancy now!

A squishee from the Kwik-E-Mart!

Thank you, come again.

Thank you, come again.

And of course, overpriced comic books and baseball cards from the Android’s Dungeon!!

Help wanted, only fat ponytailed nerds need apply.

Help wanted, only fat ponytailed nerds need apply.

I’ve got to hand it to you, Universal Studios…you’ve found a reason for me to waste the better part of a hundred bucks for admission into your poorly crowd controlled pit of paved torture. While I’ll probably talk myself out of visiting until it turns cooler, I know I am powerless. See, once the full hype machine and soft openings get started, I’m sure I’ll be requesting an opening event press pass faster than Nelson can yell, “HA-HA!”


Unfortunately, I predict a massive increase in Simpsons Nerd on Harry Potter Nerd in-park violence. Can’t we all just get along!?



Universal Orlando To Open a Simpsons Land This Summer (Suck it Harry Potter!) — 2 Comments

  1. Like the show, it’ll probably be good the first 12 years, start to suck but never be closed as it tries to have a longer run than The Flintstones at Kings Island.

  2. Simpsons nerds will rule the summer. No one wants to wear a robe in a in a blast furnace.

    Although I was ON the “never again” summer trip, I’m starting to think it might not be such a bad idea after all. Remind me of how hot we were in the ponchos and how miserable we were in general to save me from myself!

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