Look No Further, I’ve Got The Official Soundtrack to Summer

Last week, I was lucky enough to score a copy of Daft Punk’s latest Album, Random Access Memories.

Rock it.

Rock it.

 

For those of you not hip to the jive, Daft Punk is a French Electronic Duo responsible for pretty much every hook played in the background of commercials and movies. But don’t worry, no one is going to be testing you on past Daft Punk knowledge, so let us press on.

The Duo is back and in full effect, and while you can’t purchase the album until tomorrow (hopefully they will release it early!) I wanted to make sure that the very second you have access to Random Access Memories, you BUY IT.

Yes. Pay ACTUAL money for the music. For some of you scurvy curs, paying is a new concept. But this album is so good, WE OWE IT TO THESE BEAUTIFUL MUSICIANS for making THE SOUNDTRACK OF SUMMER 2013!

I’ve now had an entire week to enjoy the genius of Daft Punk’s new offering, and let me just tell you, I’m hooked. So is L4L.

Am I building it up and setting unattainable expectations for you and Random Access Memories? Perhaps. Depends on your feelings about the smooth and mellow grooves of, Yacht Rock.

Hang loose.

Hang loose.

What’s that my beautiful starsailor? You don’t know what “Yacht Rock,” is? Well, gather ’round and let ol’ Cribsy explain.

Urban Dictionary defines Yacht Rock as:

 “Another name for the adult-contemporary musical movement in the late 1970’s and the early 1980’s.  It was defined mostly by its smooth sound.  Popular Yacht Rockers include: Kenny Loggins, the Doobie Brothers, and Steely Dan.”

I pretty much invented Yacht Rock nostalgia back in 2004 when I decided to form a fictitious band named, Chablis. We were a wedding band and dressed in the hues of a Hawaiian Sunset, Circa 1982. Coral 70’s Tuxedos for the band, and Yours Truly, the stunning lead singer, clad in sherbet colored chiffon. Chablis focused on smooth and mellow moves, Michael McDonald, Ambrosia, Christopher Cross, we only played Yacht Rock.

Not a joke: I wore this to my prom.

Not a joke: I wore this to my prom.

 

Do yourself a favor and start a Pandora or Spotify Station called, “Yacht Rock.” Go do it right now. Seriously you sluts, I’ll wait!

(Crib Keeper sips a Pina Colada)

Do YOU like Pina coladas?

Do YOU like Pina coladas?

Once you listen to the pure Californian sunshine that your new station instantly provides, you will no doubt find that your dreary and miserable workday melts into one Suntan Oil soaked voyage into the gooey goodness of late 70’s-Early 80’s Soft Rock Staples. Can I promise increased productivity? Only if you’re not a lazy bum.

This master class lesson on Yacht Rock is necessary because Daft Punk’s new album is a modern-day electronic valentine to the very same smoothment.

Only Daft’s Yacht Rock has been fortified with anthemic party tracks, bumpin’ base lines and DISCO. Throw in your usual Daft Punk tricks (catchy hooks, robotic voices, etc.) and you have the makings for my favorite release of 2013 (so far.)

Did I mention there are appearances by a multitude of celebrities that reads like an episode of “What Up With That!?”

Ooo-Eeee.

Ooo-Eeee.

Paul Williams, the songwriter who has gifted the world with many hits, including: THE RAINBOW CONNECTION! sings on the melancholy opus, “Touch.”

Nile Rodgers (of Chic) and his genius disco riff Kicks the album off with, “Give Life Back to Music.”

Strokes front man and solo darling, Julian Cassablancas sings on “Instant Crush.”

Pharrell does 2, count them, two OFF THE CHAIN GROOVETASTIC TUNES! ” Lose Yourself to Dance,” and the already smash hit, “Get Lucky.”

Just when you think Random Access Memories has given you enough awesome, Todd Edwards joins Daft Punk on “Fragments of Time,” the zippy and quintessential Yacht Rock track off the album.

I’m leaving out a ton of tracks like the most typical Daft Punk-like, “Doing it Right.” Which mixes a thumping 90’s base line with robo-voices and a healthy dash of Tears for Fears thrown in.

Suffice to say, the whole thing will grow on you, and while some songs are slower than others, the pace is perfect to play at a gathering of friends sipping mai-tai’s floating in the pool. I myself have vowed to play this on a non-stop loop until I grow tired. Okay, this and my Pandora Yacht Rock Station.

Climb Aboard my dearest readers! This summer we’re livin’ it Yacht Rock style. Sans yacht, of course.

blogpost_hawaii

Because, let’s face it…the only people who buy yachts are 1. fools who fancy they will sail it around the world, only to end up selling the stupid boat 2 years later as part of the divorce settlement and 2. People who love to waste money on a preverbal sinking ship.

Friendly Tip: Want to look like a rich a-hole who wipes their Pomeranian’s dirty balloon knot with 5 dollar bills? Pay off your debts and mortgage.

See, having a paid mortgage and debt-free lifestyle is today’s yacht. Living well within your means is the new status symbol. Stop borrowing a dream that some ad agency sold you and get this hard and true fact through your head: RICH PEOPLE DO NOT FINANCE.

Sorry for the lecture, but I just watched “ULTIMATE YACHTS,” on the Travel Channel last week and I wanted to puke all over their decks. I kept yelling at the screen as idiot after idiot showed off their same looking, far too expensive toys. Rupert Murdoch, AKA one of the richest pepaws on the planet, thinks owning a yacht is a joke. His advice, charter elaborate and beautiful yachts for vacations, no upkeep cost or money loss each year.

Yes, I’m this declaring the summer of yacht rock and yet I hate yachts. Sweet irony!

Boats n' NOs

Boats n’ NOs

Anyfinancialadvicetangents…

Tons of stars, tons of good tunes and a relaxing journey down the west coast rock of yesteryear, Random Access Memories brings it, HARD.

In closing, go out and procure a copy of the album at your earliest convenience, summer can’t get started without it.

 

 

 


Comments

Look No Further, I’ve Got The Official Soundtrack to Summer — 7 Comments

  1. I… How do I say this? I really need to see your prom photo. That mean my Thursday ends on a happy note.

    • I’ll have my parents dig it up and scan it…should have it by Sunday.

      I made my date: 1. Dye his hair orange and 2. Wear an old TCHS Orange ruffled choir tuxedo from the 1970’s. Truly hideous.

  2. Pingback: The Timberlake Appreciation Society Presents: YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! - GrouchyMuffin

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