Whataburger Ketchup With a Side of Vanilla Ice

People, yesterday in my world was one for the books. I got two major announcements involving two of my obsessions, Whataburger Ketchup and Vanilla Ice.

If you’ve ever been to a Whataburger, you know the ketchup they serve is the greatest ever crafted, period. Slightly sweet, with a savory vinegar kick, the magical recipe is known for converting even the most hardened ketchup hater into a lifelong fan of the stuff. Served in generous foil covered pots, it’s so good, many a Whataburger ketchup lover has a kitchen drawer stuffed with hoarded extra packets they’ve acquired, as not to waste a drop of the golden Nectar.

I kvetch for this ketch.

I kvetch for this ketch.

For example, just peeking into my junk drawer will show that I’m a world-class Whataburger Ketchup hoarder.

Pretty maids, all in a row.

Pretty maids, all in a row.

Beginning this summer, I will hoard no more.

Yesterday, the Texas-based burger company unveiled a line of Whataburger condiments that will soon be readily available at HEB stores throughout Texas. Non-Texans, HEB is a grocery store chain that f*cking rules.

YAAAHHHSSSSSS!

YAAAHHHSSSSSS!

In mere weeks, I’ll be able to visit my beloved HEB and purchase Whataburger Regular AND Spicy Ketchup. If that wasn’t enough good news, Whataburger also announced that SPICY KETCHUP will be PERMANENTLY AVAILABLE at the Restaurants!!!! No more limited small batches of the goodness! Like rock and roll, it’s here to STAY!!!!!

spicy ketchup

 

Look, I know that there’s a whole mess of you sluts out there who have never had Whataburger ketchup. You’re no doubt yawning and rolling your eyes at the fact my day was partially made by BREAKING CONDIMENT NEWS! And for you bitter ol’ hags, I’ve got  another tidbit of incredible news.

This one involves Vanilla Ice, Patron Saint of our weekly holiday devoted to taking life to the limit, Tues-the-Extreme Day.

Bow Down!

Bow Down!

Ice is back with a brand new reality show and while it won’t premiere until later this year, the DIY network announced it yesterday, how fitting they announced it on a Tues-the-Extreme Day. It’s called: Vanilla Ice goes Amish

The show will revolve around Ice moving in with an Amish family and learning the basics of Amish construction and craftsmanship.

Here’s a promo shot from the filming…for now, it’s all we got.

Word to your Brother

Word to your Brother

I know what you’re thinking:

Vanilla in his Amish getup looks exactly like a Cholo plantation owner.

AND

Pepaw is rocking a righteous beard.

This has the makings to be the best staged-reality show involving white gangsters living with the Amish since TLC’s phony baloney train wreck, Amish Mafia. We’ll just have to see what wacky hi-jinx and dope renovations come of this announcement. Regardless, it involves Rob Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice so I’m there.

 

 (Thanks to everyone who sent the Ketchup news in, and thanx for the Ice story, Bex!)


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