Things That Now Exist: Beer Spa Treatments for Dudes

Say there dapper and stressed gentlemen of the world, need to take a load off and enjoy a beer? Well, instead of sitting on the crapper cracking open a Dos Equis, why not pamper yourself with a beer based spa treatment?!

beer-spa

The Four Seasons Spa in Vail Colorado teamed up with a local brewery to create a menu of beer treatments they like to call, Brew and Renew.

While ladies are more than welcome to order the services, the website stresses that these were made especially for men.

So put on some Van Halen, change the channel to a sporting event, Call your butch aunt Gene, and feast your eyes on the Beerlarious “Brew and Renew Menu.”

The Spa has partnered with Vail-based Crazy Mountain Brewing Company, Vail Valley’s first production brewery, to create these innovative treatments, especially for men (yet women can enjoy them too).

In addition to these treatments, guests can enjoy a “Brewsage,” a massage incorporating hop oil (150 USD), and a refreshing soak entitled “Beer Brew Bath” (55 USD).

Amber Ale Foot Soak

A perfect remedy for a long day on the slopes, this foot bath is filled with a fresh beer from Crazy Mountain Brewery’s Amber Ale batch. The guest enjoys an Amber Ale while relaxing with a crushed barley and malt foot scrub, finished off with a light foot rub, using hop oil.

Key Benefits: The yeast from the beer bath promotes a purifying and cleansing effect on the feet.  Extremely beneficial for any mild fungal issues, the scrub benefits circulation and removes excess skin buildup making the feet smooth and fresh.

75 USD

Cara de Luna Black Ale Wrap

An all-natural wrap is made of spent grains directly from the brewery’s darkest beer, Cara De Luna Black Ale. While the wrap is drying on the body and removing toxins, a mixture of the ale is frothed into a honey base and gently massaged into the hair. The wrap is removed by a warm Mountain Living Pale Ale Bath mixed with citrus-infused bath salts and essential oils to soothe and moisturize the skin.

Key Benefits: Spent grains contain many of the beneficial yeasts from the brewing process, bringing many skin enhancing and balancing properties to the body. The native grains remove toxins from the body while firming and toning the skin. The barley and malt benefit the body by exfoliating the skin and nourishing with nutrients and minerals. The flavonoids are richer in dark beer, which adds elasticity to the skin, and the amount of B6 vitamins and antioxidants make this treatment one of the healthiest skin treatments that The Spa offers.

225 USD    

Stout scalp treatment

With a mixture of the froth from one of Crazy Mountain’s darkest beers combined with two tablespoons of honey, this treatment leaves hair as silky as the best conditioner.

Key Benefits: Honey is a natural humectant that naturally pulls moisture from the air, combined with the beneficial vitamins and pH-balancing nature of dark rich beer.

45 USD

Lava Lake Pub Scrub

A foamy mixture of our house blended sea salt and a can of Lava Lake Wit exfoliates the skin and refreshes the body by adding vitamins and folic acid to dry or under-nourished skin. Followed by warm beer being gently poured over the body and removed with hot moist towels, the skin is left feeling silky smooth. A quick rinse in the shower is followed by an application of hop-infused massage oil.

Key Benefits: The key benefits to this scrub are removal of excess dry skin and increasing circulation. The Lava Lake Wit has hints of chamomile which is soothing, anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial.

145 USD

225.00 for a beer body wrap!? That’s obscene!

Tell you what guys, save your money and visit my house.  For only 200 bucks I’ll give you my own version of a “brew and renew” treatment. Before you sleazebags start emailing in your paypal information, let me elaborate on my version.

I set up a kiddie pool on my patio and host a backyard party. As my guests arrive and begin to swim in my actual pool, your treatment begins as I usher you (wearing only your swimsuit) into the previously mentioned kiddie pool. I give you a set of goggles that I have blacked out and my waterproof mp3 player that I’ve loaded with Enya’s Greatest Hits Album, “Paint the Sky With Stars.”

Once you’re settled and blissfully unaware, I’ll begin pouring 3 cases of Natty Light (that I let get warm in the trunk of my car,) all over you, can by can. After the last 12 oz. can is exhausted, you will spend the next hour and twenty minutes soaking in the suds.  Your skin will be nourished and pampered while I will have free entertainment for my party. As Spa owner I reserve the right to videotape your treatment and upload it to youtube under the title, “Dummy Wastes Beer and 200.00 on a stupid spa treatment.”

Dudes don’t need beer to treat themselves. Nor do we need to use the term “mild fungal issues” in our spa menus. Gross.

Here's a dude-approved Spa.

Here’s a dude-approved Spa.

That being said, If the four seasons needs anyone to drink the beer left over after the treatments are done, sign me up. I’m not above drinking bath water!

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