The Red Solo Cup Went and Got Fancied Up

Toby Keith is a true ‘MERICAN terrorist hero. His ear-murdering odes to flopping around in the mud and dating your cousin have earned him a mountain of cash. Coincidentally, the dittys have also lodged in the brain of anyone with the misfortune of having to take a dump in a truck stop bathroom.

Gurl, please.

Gurl, please.

The Balding buffoon released a song in 2011 called, “Red Solo Cup.”

The song is an ode to the King of Keggers and family gathering refreshment receptacles, the Plastic disposable tumbler.

Since then, the ubiquitous sipper has had a bit of a resurgence. From ceramic reusable versions of the famous form, to the designer colors like turquoise that Solo now offers, it’s a good time for the cheap party staple.

Enter the good folks at Red Cup Living who decided that the world needed more partying options. You can pre-order the cups now with an April delivery date. All are 10 bucks or less.

Behold!  The reusable plastic red party cups that are going to be a staple in every hipster and waste-concious drunk’s knapsack.


Plastic fantastic.

Plastic fantastic.

 I’ve decided to share my favorites with you…

 For when you’re just a teensy bit classier than drinking the wine straight out of the bottle (but not by much.)

Wine on, you crazy drunkard.

Wine on, you crazy drunkard.

For the broke-ass tramp who still drinks Cosmos because of Sex and the City.

Cocktail Cup

Say hello to the Margarita Glass your sleazy Aunt is going to drop on the ground for the sexy pool boy to pick up…

Oh Raoul, I need your help!

Oh Raoul, I need your help!

Then there’s something for the big fat party animal…

It’s the  functional and fashionable red cup shot glass on a lanyard that Red Solo Cup living swears, “…will make you laugh out loud!”

For the discriminating alchoholic.

For the discriminating alcoholic.

For when you want to guilt your boss into that raise you deserve.

I mean, who has to drink hot coffee out of a solo cup!? Bums and college students, that’s who.

solo coffee

In all honesty, I really want to buy this one…it’s the XL 32 oz Cup



Why? Two Reasons:

1. It’s the perfect size to hold an entire bottle of cheap champagne.

2. I want to go into a Starbucks, order a bladder-busting giant iced latte, pay my money, take and instantly pour it out into my giant red solo cup, and sit down. While I hog up the “good chair in the corner,” I’ll quietly sip my monstrosity and collect death stares from MacBook d*ckbags and older hot ladies in workout gear who listen to smooth jazz. 


In closing, F*ck you, Toby Keith.

Here’s a rare photo of him without his hat on.

How do ya like him now?

How do ya like him now?




The Red Solo Cup Went and Got Fancied Up — 3 Comments

  1. As a fellow “drunken slut” one of the (few)things I pride myself on is the fact that I’ve never heard this song. Nope, never. I hear ppl, thinking that they are cute or clever, singing it in public at times but never the real deal. However, I’d still like to join in on your closing statement Cribsy, and shoot old T-Bag a big ol’ F-U. Ah, good times.

  2. I actually own one of those wine glasses. It was a gift from a friend of my mother’s. She was very proud of herself. It’s in a cabinet waiting to be re-gifted at the next white elephant Christmas party. I wanna drink my wine from a good, old-fashioned PLASTIC solo cup!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *