Hold on to your Calvin Kline boxer briefs and put down that glass of Muscle Milk, I’ve got some GREAT news to start off your week. Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg is considering reuniting with his old crew, THE FUNKY BUNCH!
In a recent interview Mark explained that he’s open to rejoining his former Funky Bunch. The HIP HOP SUPERSTAR(!!!) was quoted as saying:
This is great news, for those of you too young to remember the early 1990’s. Mark Wahlberg used to parade his rock-hard abs around wearing nothing but underwear and a snarl. As a Pop-Hop star, he had several hits, including: “Good Vibrations,” and “Wildside.” The latter was a heavy sampling/ very public murder of the Velvet Underground’s classic tune, “Walk on the Wild Side.”
I remember being in elementary school when “Good Vibrations,” came out, I was watching Friday Night Videos on NBC when the music video debuted. My mother, visually disgusted when the “Yeaaaah, you feel it baby? I do too” part came on, turned off the television and yelled: “You’re not watching this smut in my house, now GO TO BED.”
If she had only known that banning Marky from my television would cause me to love him more. Add the fact that I was a HUGE fan of Donnie Wahlberg (his big brother who is a member of New Kids on the Block,) and you have the makings for an honorary member of his FUNKY BUNCH!
Marky Mark and his crew of funky disbanded a few years later and Mark has since gone on to be the world’s most humorless celebrity. His inability to laugh at himself and relive those partying ways he enjoyed in the puffy jacketed early 90’s, is widely chronicled and mourned.
With the admission that he is considering a return to the mic, a glimmer of hope shines. Perhaps just maybe, Mark Wahlberg, the insufferable and serious Thespian, is still capable of having fun in life. Because let’s face it, you can’t spell FUNKY without FUN!
My favorite part of his quote is when he says, ” Well, the Funky Bunch wants to get out there…”
Um, ya think!?
I picture 99% of Wahlberg’s interaction with his former bunchmates involves them asking him, “When are we gonna get da crew back together!?”
Holiday gatherings, children’s birthday parties, Funky Bunch reunion weekend getaways, all are marred with the same desperate inquiry, “Yo bro, when we gonna reunite and get our JAM ON?”
Part of me wants to believe that Mark is over the Hollywood serious act and is ready to start embracing his inner emcee, I mean does the world really need Ted Part 2? The answer is NO! However, the world could definitely use a dose of shirtless beefcake rhymes, and all the good vibes that implies.
Mark Wahlberg, today I am going to make a solemn promise to you.
If you take the stage once again as Marky Mark, I will forever stop mocking your cleaned up, nice Dad moves. I swear I will resume my proper seat, 3 inches from the television screen, salivating over your crotch bulge.
Sending warm thoughts and good vibrations your way, Funky Bunch brother, Marky. Afterall, 2 of your crew members have kids in college and could use the extra cheese generated by your well-oiled muscles.
Hopefully, Marky Mark will revisit ALL of his past projects, including the Classic Marky Mark WORKOUT VIDEOTAPE! AKA his greatest film work to date!
Where else can you find a motivational talk focused on, “Being happy with yourself,” that’s immediately followed by gratuitous sexual harassment of the female workout professionals!?
In the pantheon of 1990’s gimmick workout vids involving sexy dudes in panties, The Marky Mark Workout is right up there with Eric Nies’ MTV Grind Workout.