How are YOU Self-Medicating Today?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Listen, I’m aware that tons of people eye-roll at mere mention of Feb. 14th, and I can’t say you’re not on to something. Regardless of what your romantic/ bedroom situation looks like at the moment, there’s one thing we all can do on this day devoted to LOVE!LOVE!LOVE!, and that thing is laughing at dumb VD related stuff. So, put on some romantic grooves, and be sure you’re not drinking any liquids while reading this gut-busting Valentine of insanity from me to YOU.

Our LIMO of love awaits, take a ride with me tonight, it promises to be a FULL MOON:

I want to touch that class.

I want to touch that class.

 

Maybe you’d rather have some flowers?

He rose to the occasion.

He rose to the occasion.

 

Or perhaps a fur?

Valentine - Hairy

Of course, booze always works:

Valentine Fail

Some people prefer brutal honesty over mushy sentiment:

Who knew being bitter could be so sweet.

Who knew being bitter could be so sweet.

 

Ouch

Zing

Regardless, it’s just not hearts day without…

#1 hilarious and punny cards:

LOLZ

LOLZ

 

Carl Sagan Valentine

#2 Cheap gifts:

The dollar condoms seem legit.

The dollar condoms seem legit.

And #3 romantic poses:

Thar he glows.

Thar he glows.

 

So tonight, when you’re drunk on cheap champagne binge-eating chocolate and crying over photos of your ex, remember that your old pal the Crib Keeper is there for you.

Happy Valentine’s day, you disgusting disgrace to the human race! Sluts like us have to stick together.

 

But not THIS CLOSE, the double hoodie below is literally the worst idea in the history of EVER:

Kill it with fire.

Kill it with fire.

 

Straight from the fart er, heart: Happy VD Y’ALL!

AifqytjCEAAZszK

 

Love,

Cribsy

 

PS: If you want a love in your life, why not hit up the internet? There REALLY is a dating site for everyone.


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